IFTEHAZ YEASIR IFTEE

If you have ever carried a tote bag to a coffee shop solely to place it on the table next to a freshly prepared matcha latte, you already know the assignment. Reading, in the modern era, isn’t really about “reading” or enjoying a story—it is about signaling. It is about letting the person seated at the next table know that while you could be doomscrolling TikTok, you choose to instead engage with a higher form of brain simulation.

But you can’t just read anything, right? You can’t be caught dead with a James Patterson thriller or, god forbid, a book with a bright, cartoonish cover. You need a prop that says: “I am complex, suffering an existential crisis, and emotionally vulnerable—but only in a way that will also make me look intellectual”.

Hence, here’s a list of five essential books for the quintessential performative-male checklist, and exactly who they are for:

Infinite Jest

Little, Brown and Company, 1996

David Foster Wallace

This book puts you into the shoes of an intellectual endurance athlete. You don’t just read Infinite Jest ; you deploy it. Carrying this thousand-page brick of a book is a physical commitment that screams “I have stronger wrists and better cognitive stamina than you”. The key here is the footnotes. When you are seen reading this in public, you must constantly flip back and forth between the main text and the footnotes with a look of mild annoyance, as though the author is personally testing your patience but you respect the challenge. This is peak pretentious energy.

The Stranger

Vintage International, 1989

Albert Camus

This is the book for the guy who wears a beanie above his ears in July. You want to project an aura of detached dystopia, a sense that you are simply too aware of the absurdity of existence to care about mundane things like “doing groceries” or “having a job”. The Stranger is a short novella—which is great because it leaves you more time to look moody. It signals that you are deep, too deep to enjoy parties. You aren’t sad; you are existential. You aren’t lost; you are purposefully not found.

Sapiens

Dvir Publishing House Ltd., 2011

Yuval Noah Harari

This is the holy bible for the man who optimises his sleep cycle and drinks muddy mushroom water instead of freshly brewed coffee. Reading Sapiens tells the world that you view human history not as a story, but as a dataset. It signals that you are ready to explain “evolutionary psychology” to a woman who has a degree in psychology itself. You want to look like you understand the backend code of humanity.

Norwegian Wood

Kodansha, 1987

Haruki Murakami

This is the bait. You use Murakami when you want to attract the artsy girl who thrifts her sweaters from Mirpur. It signals that you appreciate “aesthetic” prose and that you are in touch with your loneliness. It also helps you stir up conversations out of thin air as you subconsciously believe that cats can talk. However, the performative male loves this book specifically because the protagonist is a quiet, passive vessel for women’s trauma. It allows you to fantasise about being the mysterious, quiet guy that women project their complex inner lives onto, without you having to actually put in any emotional effort.

Fight Club

W. W. Norton & Company, 1996

Chuck Palahniuk

Eventually, the performative male gets tired of pretending to be sensitive and decides to pivot to “identifying with the aggressor”. Fight Club is for the guy who thinks he’s a wolf among all sheep because he doesn’t have a corporate 9-to-5 (he is a freelance graphic designer). Carrying this book says, “I am dangerous. And depressed. I might start a soap company”. It is a desperate signal that you haven’t been fully civilised by society, even though you pay for both Spotify premium and a Netflix premium account.

Iftehaz Yeasir Ifte e , a student at IBA, University of Dhaka, is a featured poet in the global anthology Luminance under the pseudonym Brotibir Roy.