TARANNUM KHONDKAR

Imposter syndrome is the persistent thought process of self-doubt and inadequacy where people feel like a fraud in their success or relationships. A majority of people tend to experience imposter syndrome at some point in their lives, although the conception is different for everyone. The mainstream media often depicts imposter syndrome primarily within the context of careers or, occasionally, romantic relationships.

However, there is one crucial, overlooked portion of our lives where imposter syndrome can creep up on and that is in friendships.

Have you ever wondered whether your friends actually like you? An innocent question, you could say, but is that where your inquiry stops, or do you enter a downward cynical spiral, dissecting every part of your friendship, even parts that do not exist?

A telltale sign of imposter syndrome is when a person self-sabotages their position in a friendship and feel unworthy of their friends’ trust or fear being ousted from the friend group. As a result, they become insincere and distant, leading to the end of their bond. A phenomenon seemingly capable of destroying friendships.

However, what causes it? Well, scientists are yet to discover a certain reason for it, but many factors may have an impact which include, gender, age, environment, media consumption, and even cultural stereotypes. For some, it may emerge from toxic past friendships, trauma inflicted by former friends may materialise as self-doubt, while for others, it may even simply stem from a simple sense of inferiority that makes it hard to feel like they belong in a friend group.

The internalisation of such harmful thoughts not only ends present friendships but also becomes a hurdle in forming new ones, always in the back of your mind, feeding illusions of inferiority or undeserving of the connection between friends.

If these situations or emotions sound familiar, do not be alarmed– imposter syndrome is not the grim reaper of friendships. There are measures to take back control from your debilitating thoughts and improve your bond. The first step to improvement is recognition– becoming conscious of your patterns. Instead of burying your thoughts of self-doubt, try to be objective in your approach. Ask yourself: is there real evidence for this thought, or is it simply my insecurity speaking?

People suffering from imposter syndrome rarely give themselves credit, and breaking this chain requires grounding yourself with facts that oppose your brain’s ramblings. A practical tool that does just that is journaling. Writing one’s feelings of discontent to revisit later in the future when your mind is calm enough to separate reality and your own insecurity may do wonders for people struggling with such thoughts.

Now, it is certainly possible that one makes up scenarios that validate their harmful thoughts. One thing to get rid of this habit is communication. Verbalising one’s feeling of self-doubt to others can help provide reality checks that diminish the insecurity. As such, communicating with their friends regarding such thoughts becomes crucial in bettering oneself.

It may seem awkward and unnecessary at first, but there is no need to rush. It is important to start small and create space for difficult conversations but also remain clear and direct regarding the emotions involved. From there, the friendship can progress by all parties involved finding a system that sustains the connection.

It goes without saying, but for those who have been experiencing imposter syndrome to a detrimental degree, and has handicapped their ability to function socially– seeking professional help is the best course of action. It is true that not much research has been done into how imposter syndrome inflicts friendships, but professionals are surely better equipped at helping one navigate their mind’s disarray.

The process of recovery is gradual;s one should not be expected to be cured of such debilitating thoughts within a day. Consistency is how one can slowly build a sustainable system that improves their mental health, helping them retain and build new friendships.