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SHADHARON CORRESPONDENT

The year is 2028. Ordinary students have done something extraordinary yet again. Yesterday, they organised “Lunch for Lynching” to celebrate beating a hundred people to death since the “lucky seventh independence”.

All the dead, including a four-year-old, were former members of Fascist Chhatra League, claimed Ordinary Assistant-Coordinator Bashir.

They held the programme on the premises of Dhoka Medical, where survivors of mob justice were being treated. One experienced justice again as he was recovering too fast.

“Students are the torchbearers of morals and ethics,” said Ordinary Justice Mamun, who’s not an actual judge but puts the prefix there, just like medical assistants use “Dr” now. “If you disagree, you’re a conspirator. What are you up to? What’s your address? Did you steal my phone?”

The latest event of justice took place at Dhoka University, where absolutely ordinary students tortured a man until he died. But before that, he got a full meal to enjoy, due to the infinite, yet ordinary, virtue of our students.

Following the 100th incident, Student Police Chief Munmun, at the 100th press conference, said for the 100th time, “The incident is regrettable. Can you not kill people, pretty please?”

However, Additional Ordinary Sub-Assisting Coordinator Rahim said, “We will not stop until fascism is eradicated. Anyone who questions us is a fascist.”

Questioned whether this means that all fascists must be killed, he looked at the reporter while taking an ordinary knife out of his pocket.

Meanwhile, police are yet to return to their posts. Contacted, all officers opined that the super-giga-ordinary students are doing an excellent job, so police are not needed anymore.

“It was us who did all the killing before, without any repercussions. But now, we seem to be outmatched and out-unpunished,” said officer Md Munir Munshi, son of Mamu Munshi from Chhaganaiya, wishing not to be named.

However, unordinary students are pushing back, organising under the banner of Students Against Equality. According to them, the country was doing better when discrimination was rife.

“Back then, there was a hierarchy; we had ministers, DCs, officers,” said Unordinary Co-coordinator Maisha. “But now, everyone’s a student. There’s no difference between them and I, aside from me being unordinary.”

With the slogan “Death to Anti-discrimination”, they are scheduled to block Shahbagh today. Their one-point demand is for putting a stop to lynching and going back to subjugating people using draconian laws and financial corruption.