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SURVIVOR’S GUILT The emotional toll of making it through
ADRIN SARWAR
We’ve been through a lot lately; it feels like waking up from one nightmare only to enter another.
From the July revolution to the floods in August, each event has only added to the already struggling lives of the country’s people. Darwin’s “survival of the fittest” resonates strongly in our current situation.
But what about those who didn’t make it through all these ordeals like you? What about the lives they dreamt of and the future they were about to live? These questions have been bothering many of us now, more than usual.
Survivor’s guilt, the feeling of unworthiness for surviving or escaping a traumatic event or experience while others did not, is a common response in such situations. When you come through unscathed while others suffer, one question might repeat in your mind: “Why not me?” Even if you weren’t directly affected by the event, it could still haunt you, leaving you confused and feeling undeserving of being spared when others were not.
According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, survivor’s guilt is not a diagnosable condition on its own but rather a symptom. It can manifest as part of complicated grief or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), leading to feelings of unworthiness, self-blame, and persistent guilt. Addressing survivor’s guilt is crucial, as it can intensify conditions like PTSD and grief, making recovery more challenging.
Saurav Baidya, Mental Health and Psychological Support (MHPSS) Officer at Handicap International shares his perspective, “When a person survives a tragedy, there is a feeling of guilt, which may be heightened by perceiving one’s actions as inadequate in helping others. This feeling of not being worthy to live and the residual guilt can haunt them forever.”
This sentiment is reflected by Shaikha Azam Ohona, a student at Dhaka University (DU), who says, “In the face of overwhelming events like the Quota Reform Movement and the recent floods in Bangladesh, it’s natural to feel a deep sense of guilt for being safe. During the Anti-Discrimination Student Movement, I went to do graffiti. When I heard police sirens there, I ran, and after coming home, I felt suffocated. It felt like the whole world had left me. I started hallucinating and would hear people calling out to me in my sleep, asking me to help and save them. I felt utterly helpless, more so than ever before.”
Survivor’s guilt can manifest as flashbacks or nightmares that take you back to the traumatic event, consuming your mind with constant thoughts of what had happened. Persistent feelings of not having done enough, irritability, and difficulty moving on from the experience are also common.
Rakibul Hasan Sanjer, another student from DU, says, “I was constantly preoccupied with thoughts of what I could have done differently. The guilt over not participating in the [quota reform] protests made it difficult to focus on everyday tasks. I couldn’t relax, not even while reading, which usually calms me. I felt emotionally exhausted and helpless.”
Studies show that survivors often feel responsible for the death or injury of others, even when they have no real control over the situation. Tamanna Mahjabin Anchol, a student at Khulna University of Engineering & Technology, reflects on this, saying, “The recent floods made me feel guilty for living my ordinary daily life while others were suffering and dying due to the lack of basic needs. It made me appreciate what I have. It felt like a privilege to have a roof over my head and a warm bed to sleep in.”
Even when a tragic situation unfolds far from the survivor, the feelings of guilt and helplessness can still be overwhelming. Events like the ongoing genocide in Gaza or the RG Kar Medical College rape case in Kolkata have triggered deep emotional responses, leaving many grappling with intense guilt despite being thousands of miles away. These feelings can manifest in unsettling ways, as Shaikha Azam Ohona shares, “The day I heard about the RG Kar Medical College rape case in Kolkata, I couldn’t sleep. The news weighed heavily on my mind, and I began hearing voices at night. It felt as though someone was knocking on my window, filling me with a sense of dread and helplessness.”
Survivor’s guilt often leads to a decrease in self-esteem, as Baidya explains, “They feel they did not deserve to survive, which negatively impacts their self-esteem. This guilt is almost always linked to PTSD.”
A similar concern is shared by Nayeema Islam Antora, a psychologist, who adds, “The ongoing emotional distress often increases depression and anxiety, making recovery more challenging. The internalisation of guilt can become a pervasive barrier to achieving a sense of well-being and normalcy.”
This guilt can also damage relationships, leading to withdrawal from others. People may assume that others blame them for what happened, just as they blame themselves. Nayeema further explains, “Common misconceptions about survivor’s guilt include the belief that it is a sign of weakness or a lack of resilience. There is a mistaken notion that time alone will heal these feelings or that those affected should simply move on. In reality, survivor’s guilt is a complex and deeply rooted emotional response that often requires professional intervention and support for proper healing. Understanding and addressing these misconceptions is vital for providing appropriate support to those affected.”
Coping with survivor’s guilt involves more than just time; it requires active efforts to heal. In addition to seeking professional treatment, there are coping mechanisms that can help manage these troubling feelings.
Regarding effective self-care strategies, Nayeema Islam says, “Mindfulness and self-compassion practices can help in managing guilty feelings. Mindfulness can help individuals stay present and reduce the impact of intrusive thoughts. Self-compassion involves treating oneself with kindness and understanding, which can counteract feelings of self-blame. Engaging in physical activities, maintaining a balanced lifestyle, and seeking professional support are also essential for overall well-being.”
“Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can help to challenge and change guilty thoughts,” says Baidya. “Techniques such as eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing (EMDR) allow traumatic memories to be ‘worked through’ and integrated into memory.”
Survivor’s guilt is a silent burden. It is not a weakness. With the right support and strategies, it’s possible to move forward and find peace.
References
Centerstone.org. (May 07, 2024). Understanding & Learning How to Deal with Survivor’s Guilt .
BetterHelp. (June 11, 2024). Understanding And Overcoming Survivor’s Guilt.
Healthline. (March 12, 2021). Survivor Guilt: Symptoms, Causes, Coping Tips, and More