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newlyweds navigating their relationship, it’s been a different experience.
“We always thought, ‘We’ll handle it later,’” Limana admits, reflecting on their mindset of leaving the heavy conversations for future versions of themselves.
They now find themselves struggling with issues they assumed would solve themselves. “We’re still figuring it out, and honestly, it feels like we’re just roommates sometimes. We’re learning as we go,” says Shafroz.
Planning the Future—But Not Too Far Ahead
It’s natural for couples to dream about the future—buying a house, starting a family, perhaps even living abroad. But Hamid warns against focusing too much on long-term goals.
“People tend to have tunnel vision about these topics. It’s important to remember that life unfolds, and these things will come eventually. Don’t let insecurities about the future harm the present.”
Manisha echoes this sentiment, recalling how they chose not to rush certain milestones. “We took things as they came. There’s no point in stressing about a house or career plans too early. What mattered was that we were together in making those decisions.”
For Shafroz and Limana, the story has been different. Their approach of “the future will take care of itself” has left them unprepared for the present. “We thought everything would just fall into place,” Limana admits, but now they are learning that shared decisions require active planning and communication, even for things that seem far off.
The kabin-nama and Its implications
Among the more culturally specific discussions is the kabin-nama, the marriage contract. Hamid stresses that both parties must review their clauses carefully.
“Some financial demands can psychologically impact the couple, so these clauses should be focused on to ensure both parties are happy. For instance, if the amount for kabin-nama is too high compared to whatever the groom makes, it sends the message that his soon-to-be-spouse is not feeling secure.”
In a country where the kabin-nama holds significant legal and personal weight, it’s crucial not to overlook this aspect of marriage.
Commenting on this, Limana and Shoeb added that they always knew what was fair for each other regarding kabin-nama and never let anyone interfere with what clauses should and shouldn’t be added to their contract.
Balancing individuality and togetherness
Marriage, at its core, is about partnership, but that doesn’t mean losing yourself.
“There should be a balance between ‘we’ and ‘me,’” says Hamid, emphasising the importance of maintaining individuality while building a shared life.
Your individuality shouldn’t outshine the need your relationship requires, and at the same time, your relationship shouldn’t smother your identity; it is all about balance and how open you are to discussing these issues.
Shoeb agrees, noting that he and Manisha have succeeded in keeping space for personal pursuits while supporting each other. “I have my hobbies, she has hers, but we always come back together.”
They added that sometimes they lost themselves in the process. “It gets overwhelming after getting newly married. New life, a bunch of new responsibilities, and a new perspective. It was only natural to feel lost sometimes. But no one should lose sight of themselves. Being aware of each other’s identities is paramount,” says Shoeb.
Religious beliefs and family expectations
In Bangladesh, religious beliefs often play a significant role in marriage. Hamid points out that faith can be a unifying force, but it should never be enforced.
“It should always be encouraged but never imposed. Forcing religious views only leads to unnecessary conflict.” For couples like Limana and Shafroz, shared religious practices have been a source of strength. “It’s something we both value, but we also give each other space,” says Limana.
In contrast, in-laws and extended family can sometimes complicate matters. Hamid advises setting clear boundaries, a task that’s easier said than done in a culture where family involvement is strong.
Shoeb recalls the early days of their marriage when balancing family expectations felt overwhelming. “It was tough, but we had to learn to make decisions for ourselves first.”
Balancing career, married life, and family planning
Balancing career ambitions and family goals is crucial for a successful marriage. Hamid notes, “Partners should always help each other with their goals. Sometimes, a career might get delayed or paused due to marriage, or family life might start later because of career choices.”
Manisha and Shoeb found success in this balance by communicating and planning together. “Sometimes his career took precedence, other times mine did,” Manisha shares, highlighting the importance of mutual support.
On the other hand, newlyweds Shafroz and Limana are still figuring it out. “We kept thinking, ‘the future versions of us will take care of it,’ but now we’re realising that we need to plan for both now,” says Shafroz.
Couples must remain flexible when discussing career and family planning, ensuring that both partners’ goals align with their shared vision for the future.
Sexual expectations and the path forward
Perhaps one of the most sensitive topics is sexual expectations. “This needs to be discussed before marriage,” advises Hamid, reminding couples that understanding each other’s needs can prevent many future issues. Although discussing this may feel awkward, it’s a conversation that will significantly impact the relationship’s long-term health.
Contrary to societal norms, a man and a woman are allowed to have expectations from their significant other, whether emotional, financial, or sexual. Without voicing one’s needs, it is only natural for the other not to be aware of such expectations. As there have been numerous cases with non-communicating couples, avoiding these discussions only leads to more stress.
Start with conversation, end with understanding
At the heart of it all, marriage is a series of conversations. From career goals to beliefs, finances to sexual expectations, these discussions are the foundation of a healthy, lasting relationship. A journey built on open communication and mutual respect shows that the path forward isn’t always easy, but it’s always worth it. The road may be bumpier for newlyweds, but with time and honest dialogue, they, too, can find their way.
Hamid eloquently sums up, “It is vital to give yourselves time to thoroughly understand each other and work around each other’s insecurities, limits, and decision-making.” He emphasises the importance of patience, encouraging couples to tolerate and adjust to one another, allowing enough time to align both individual and shared goals. With communication, everything falls into place.
By K Tanzeel Zaman
Photo: Courtesy