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NATION STRUGGLES with newfound freedom of speech

‘What can’t we say anymore?’ ask experts
When this reporter asked a protester what their demands were, he said, “Our demands are those things that must be met.”
Several other protesters seemed to be similarly confused.
JEAN PAUL SATIRE
Who would have thought? From the yoke of authoritarianism, where everything you said had to be checked for the presence of words that could anger the powers that be, today, Bangladeshis can say whatever they want to.
While freedom of speech is vital for a free society and vibrant democracy, this new set of circumstances seems to have given some people the idea that they can say literally anything that tickles their fancy.
From conspiracy theories and blatant lies to terrible opinions and absurd satire articles that should never see the light of day, everything is now out on the internet. And unprepared following years of repression, people don’t even know what to take seriously and what to ignore.
For example, in a press conference on Wednesday, a former security guard laid out his vision for the nation in the upcoming future.
The 60-year-old man, named Comeon Touchme, made a series of suggestions, the most shocking of which was changing Dhaka’s name to something more to his personal liking.
“The name Dhaka is okay, of course, but imagine if our city was instead called Dangerland, or Dhamaka City, or Land of the Barely Alive, or something more exciting. Wouldn’t that be fun?” he said.
He also suggested creating a provision in the judiciary for trial-by-rap-battle, and raising tax rates for everyone who isn’t a 60-year-old former security guard.
When asked why he was saying such ridiculous things, he said, “Are you trying to shut me up? Is this the freedom we wanted?”
In response to Touchme’s demands for higher tax rates, a group of 59-year-old former security guards staged a protest in front of the press club yesterday.
“We want justice,” they chanted. “Our demands must be met.”
When this reporter asked a protester what their demands were, he said, “Our demands are those things that must be met.”
Several other protesters seemed to be similarly confused.
Over on social media, almost everyone seems to have taken it upon themselves to become news sources, other than carry on as mere consumers. Every second post on Facebook is a thread about a shocking new discovery about the country’s politics and history, and the sources to many of these outlandish claims are other such threads.
This reporter attempted to fact-check one such thread that provided 97 links worth of proof that several former ministers and MPs are currently hiding at the bottom of the Buriganga river after a mystic sorcerer from Kamrangirchar transformed them into mermen and mermaids.
The Pandora’s box of internet filth that was unleashed by this paper’s investigation of this claim was best described by one shocked intern as “the reason human beings must one day be taken over by a smarter, better species”.
However, the dubious nature of these Facebook threads does not seem to be having an effect on netizens, who continue to think any information is worth believing as long as someone puts it in a comment thread.
In fact, some individuals have begun to speak in the language of Facebook comment threads, like my wife last week, who instead of texting me a list of groceries like usual, posted on Facebook saying:
“Things my husband needs to get from the grocery shop but will probably forget. A thread.”
In one comment, she wrote “bitter gourds” and in another she said “okra”.
Her friend commented, “Can’t believe even Jean Paul Satire turned out to be like this. I thought he was one of the good ones.”
Experts seem to think this is simply growing pains for a nation who just haven’t been able to say what they wanted to for a long time, and things will only get better from here.
Dr Communicado Oficial, a professor of media studies at the University of Conservative Arts Bangladesh (UCAB), said, “We must also consider the fact that free speech, when combined with general stupidity, results in the sort of absurdity we are seeing right now.
“As more time passes, and we read more and more Facebook comment threads, we will only get smarter, and be able to use our freedom of speech for the good of society. We can even use it to finally find those ministers and MPs hiding at the bottom of the Buriganga as mermen and mermaids. I heard they are eating all the fish down there to raise prices and increase market instability. The counter-revolution must be stopped.”