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A bus ride or a comedy show?
FILE PHOTO: STAR
A local bus often tests one’s patience. Picture this: you find yourself standing on a crowded vehicle, avoiding the sun in oppressive heat, in close proximity to a 45-year-old uncle who smells like a walking cigarette. Unfortunately, he seems quite at ease as he leans into you, adding to the challenge of maintaining your composure.
As you stand there – grappling with a cluttered mind, juggling thoughts about your studies, future career, family issues, finances and other life responsibilities – you also need to stay vigilant about your phone, wallet, earphones and, occasionally, your bag full of books. You are sweating buckets; your skincare regimen that involves using the strawberry face wash your sister recommended is of no use. Your class is scheduled to begin at 10am, and it’s currently 9:59. You’ve been stuck in Kalyanpur traffic since 8:59.
Like many, I too am this person. Standing there for an eternity, one day it struck me that the local bus is like a stand-up comedy special full of outdated gender norms and unintentional satire on seat selection. It’s almost as if the bus has its own script, suggesting that those with unique needs, like individuals with disabilities and women, should enjoy front row seats right next to the driver’s sauna – sorry, I mean engine.
Meanwhile, some of the gentlemen on board decide to rewrite the seating plan, boldly claiming women’s seats as their own. It’s as if they’re auditioning for the lead role in Bus: The Musical while the women are left doing the Cha-Cha Slide in the aisle. The whole scene plays out like a slapstick comedy routine, with crying babies serving as the punchline to this wild extravaganza. The only thing missing is a laugh track. All aboard the bus of hilarity!
Amid all this rollicking merriment, we have the pleasure of witnessing a lean bus conductor with a flamboyant hairdo taking on the formidable task of collecting the fares. Let me assure you, this is no walk in the park. While I can’t say for sure what they are paid, I am inclined to believe they deserve a more substantial pay cheque for the sheer audacity of their mission. I fondly dub this endeavour the “slider.” Watch in awe as they embark on an epic quest of traversing obstacles from the front of the bus to the very back, all in pursuit of that coveted fare.
With swoops and twirls that would put a seasoned ninja to shame, they miraculously snatch money from passengers with the finesse of a pickpocket. And let’s not forget their grand finale – a triumphant return to the exact spot where their daring quest began. Truly, it’s a spectacle to behold, and one can’t help but wonder if they might be secretly training for a more lucrative career in a heist movie. Regardless, this extraordinary conductor deserves a standing ovation for turning the mundane task of fare collection into a high-stakes adventure of its own.
As you stumble upon your destination, you’ve already managed to beat the clock for tomorrow’s class – a feat that even Einstein would’ve found baffling. I mean, seriously, folks, you’re so early, you could practically time-travel to the next millennium and still be on time for class! The bus truly is a rollercoaster that defies space and time, along with being a vehicle of chuckles and eye-rolls.
But here’s where the real carnival of chaos begins – getting off the bus. Imagine this: it’s the grand finale of the Eid-ul-Fitr prayer, and everyone is in a post-prayer trance, moving slower than a sloth that had a serving of that precious lachchha shemai . You inch your way towards the exit, step by agonising step, as if you’re auditioning for the role of “Slowest Human on Earth.” This is how it feels to move towards that coveted bus door.
Now, the piece de resistance , the Everest of challenges – attempting to jump off a bus that has no time for your sloth. You’ll need ninja-level skills to make this daring escape, folks, because that bus ain’t stopping for anyone or anything. So, remember, when you finally take that leap from the moving beast, you’re not just a passenger – you’re a daredevil, a renegade, and possibly the next stunt double in the Fast and Furious franchise!
Shahriyer Hossain Shetu
is research assistant at the Center for Sustainable Development and English instructor at the Center for Language Studies at University of Liberal Arts Bangladesh (ULAB).