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5 things to remember when you’re trying out dating
PUJA SARKAR
Dating isn’t easy. Everyone is either too heartbroken to date or going through a glow-up phase where they’re not even thinking about dating. However, when you do find someone who belongs to neither of these categories, someone who you actually like and maybe even they like you back, take the leap and ask them out.
When you do, look back here for these helpful reminders
Rejections are okay
Not everyone you like is going to like you back, and not everyone you think likes you will LIKE-like you. Unless feelings are explicitly expressed, it’s very difficult to pick up on how another person feels about you. Are they sending mixed signals? Are they playing hard to get? Are they just being friendly? It’s confusing. The best way to handle it is to simply ask them out. If they say no, you don’t have much to lose. The most you come out with is a story to tell your friends.
Dating isn’t the same as being in an official relationship
If the person you asked out says yes, remember that it’s only a date. A first date doesn’t ensure a second one. Also, just because they agreed to go on a date with you, it doesn’t mean that you’re in an official relationship or that you two are partners. The dating phase is where you get to know one another to get to the labelling part, and getting to the labelling part takes time.
Start slow
Maintain your boundaries on the first few dates. Don’t jump straight into questions like, “Tell me about your relationship with your dad” or start talking about how unfair your life is. Start with the basics and get to know their hobbies, what common interests you two share, what they’re passionate about, and so on. Here’s a pro tip – it’s never too early to make your intentions clear about what your expectations are from them or the relationship between the two of you.
Consider going on fun dates
Going out to eat or for coffee is a classic date idea. But that can cause awkward silences. Go to an art gallery or play laser tag. Do activities together and sometimes, with others. This gives you the chance to see how your date handles stressful situations, if they get along with your friends, how they react in public spaces, and so on. Some things might appeal to you, some might not, but that is what dating is all about – finding out things about your date.
Don’t talk about your ex
The last thing your date wants is a detailed manuscript of how your ex “ruined” your life and how you’ve supposedly recovered from it. You wouldn’t want to hear it either. Save the talk involving your exes for when you’re further into the dating phase. If you begin the early stages of dating by talking about your exes and break-ups, it really does nothing but give off the impression that you’re not over your ex.
Dating isn’t easy but it doesn’t have to be complicated either. Start by getting to know the person at a surface level and let everything play out. You’ll eventually get to the heavy existential talks of life, family, exes, and if you two are compatible and want to make things official.
Puja does nothing but read Gaiman and drinks unhealthy amounts of coffee. Send her cat photos at fb.com/pspspspspspspspspspspuwu/