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Living in a loving society
NAZIBA BASHER
We are lucky to be growing up in a society so caring and loving.
Through a series of questions, this society shows its undying affection for all its members.
These very thoughtful questions are asked from the heart, with the need to make the person questioned feel important and loved (read: humiliated and traumatised).
One of the very first questions a Bangalee, anywhere in the world, will ask at the very first meeting is “Desh er bari kothay (which district are you from)?”
This is an all-important question, because each district has a distinct set of characteristics irrevocably associated with the locals.
So, when they find out you are from Noakhali, whether they ever meet you again or not, they will know to keep dinner invitations short. If, say, you are from Barishal, in the two minutes that you spend with this caring Bangalee questioner, you will come off as someone with anger issues, and just a bad person overall.
If you are from Cumilla, you are supposedly selfish. If from Chattogram, you are all things terrifying.
With this particular information, it is easy for society to analyse and dissect your character to judge you better to know precisely how much and what kind of importance and love to give you.
Your “desher bari” dictates who and how you are -- regardless of your manners, your morals, or your charming smile.
The next question on the list, more often than not, is “Matric/inter kon shale (When did you sit for SSC/HSC exams)?”
This is society’s caring, tactful way of finding out your age.
However, questions following this one will include your grades, your future plans, your subject of interest and whether or not you are getting a Master’s degree and a PhD.
Again, all these matters matter very much because without answers to these very crucial questions, one cannot find enough material with which to judge you, very lovingly of course.
Another thoughtful question parents face is “Bachchar result ki (What is your child’s exam results)?”
Because who doesn’t love watching parents crumble in embarrassment if by any chance there is a child who did not get to flash the infamous V sign this year?
Whether they have passed the exams or not is the least of their concerns. They have to know the exact numbers, for how else can they compare your child with theirs and everyone else’s?
Because society has taken it upon itself to make sure you know whether or not your child is stupid -- out of sheer love and concern.
But society reserves the most incisive inquisitions for when you enter adulthood.
While you are already conflicted regarding what you want to do in life, society never fails to remind you that you are always falling behind.
Behind what, no one knows. But your time is somehow “running out”. Forever.
Any wedding you attend after the age of 18, you will be asked “biye kobe korba (When will you get married)?”
Because how many suitors you have and which one you pick (or picks you) is all you have left to “achieve” after all those degrees they want you to have. And society just wants you to achieve, because it cares.
If, “luckily”, you have someone you will be getting married to, men will face “Meye ki forsha (Is the girl fair skinned)?”
Mind you, she cannot be foreign, lest you want to become an outcast, but she has to be fair like foreigners.
Meanwhile, the ladies hear “Chhele koi chakri kore, salary koto (Where does the boy work, how much does he earn)?” Because, if you are a woman, you cannot be the one making the money. You must be making the sandwich with the bread he buys with his money. And society must know if he can buy you that bread.
And if, by any small chance, you are already married and thinking, “Hah! No more ridiculous, beyond-personal questions now!” you will be slapped on the face with a “Bachcha kobe niba (When will you have kids)?”
You have kids?
“Bachchar results ki?”