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Role of the mother in gender equality

We all love discussing gender equality, and it’s very common for someone to point out during the deliberations, “What about men? Why is it that women get to enjoy the benefit of the subject-matter?” Its comical to know that even at this age, people don’t realise the importance of achieving gender equality or admit the urgency behind it.
We have seen in so many places that the women are taught to accept their fate and be doormats to their surroundings, where in the same circumstances, men are forced to break-free and live their lives to the fullest. This sort of early nurturing creates a defined gender gap where the little girls of today become single ladies, mothers and wives of the future, who are meek and indecisive, whereas the boys grow up to be men who are more assertive and influential.
Sadly, much of the thinking comes from the women in our society, ladies who find it very hard to break through years of conditioning. And somehow, they put forward their bitter experiences to their progeny, repeating the unwavering attitude over and over again like a broken record.
However, the stories are not the same everywhere; amongst the shattered souls emerge a few individuals who are progressive enough to break through the glass ceiling and create a better future for their children. Today, we speak to all these women, especially mothers of sons, with their differing ideologies and expectations.
Mother of a son
Some of us have birthed them, raised, nurtured, loved and supported them whenever they needed us. In doing so, we may have sacrificed a significant portion of our lives and hence, achieved the outcome: trophy children. This sort of intense dedication may have created a sense of entitlement, which forced us to believe that our children, especially our boys, need to be forever indebted to our love and affection. But is this the case really the case, or just an assumption?
The progressive
I have raised my son to be a kind human being, I have instilled enough confidence in him so that he is flexible and tolerant enough to tackle whatever the world hurls at him. I do not expect my son to feel responsible for my wellbeing, just because I have taken care of him when he was unable to do it on his own. Whatever I did for him was a choice, a decision that I had taken sensibly; nobody forced me into motherhood. I chose to take care of my child, because I valued motherhood over everything else.
In the future, I want him to be similarly happy. Go wherever his heart takes him and do whatever makes him feel content. Our souls will continue to connect, whichever corner of the world he is in. In the case of my daughter-in-law, I want my son to meet his soulmate, a partner who understands him, loves him and respects him and vice versa. They can choose to start a family or not, the choice lies entirely upon them.
Hopefully, they will be a strong support to each other throughout their lives, the good, the bad and the worse. I only want happiness for both of them and nothing more. This is what my parents wanted from me and I want nothing less for my son and his beautiful partner.
The realist
I hope my son grows up to be a good human being, somebody who is worthy of the world. I have made sure he gets the best of education and mixed with the right people to get the best of experiences. I want him to excel in every part of his life and if that means he has to go somewhere far away from us to get better education, then be it. But I definitely have a condition attached that he must come back for his country, for me and his father. He must reimburse some of the benefits he has been offered, because that is how the circle of life works.
As for my daughter-in-law, I want her to do the same as my son, return what she has been given to her loved ones, including her brand-new extended family. This is how life progresses and I want them to follow then same rules for their children – son or daughter.
The manipulative
I love my sons from the bottom of my heart and I have sacrificed my life for their welfare. I have ensured good education, warmth and comfort. If they go away in my old age, then I’d consider myself nothing but a complete failure. I demand that my children take care of me when I am older, just like I have taken care of them when they were young. Even our religion states the same. I can’t even imagine how children put their ageing parents into old homes, these children have no heart at all and have not been raised well. As for my daughter-in-law, of course I am going to love her and appreciate her but she must also take care of the family she has been gifted with. I have done it all through my life and she must do the same. Life for women in this world is all about family and everything else is superfluous.
Reflections
These stories are factual stories narrated from real women and may actually resemble the manifold of thought processes that exist in our society. Whatever the ideologies, we believe that new mothers are the administrators of the future — mother of a son or daughter, and it is on them to choose only the correct route that assures gender equality; where men and women, together raise their children equally and install enough kindness and emotional intelligence in them so that they are able to justly make decisions about their future, their forthcoming family, and also the wellbeing of their ageing parents.
By Mehrin Mubdi Chowdhury
Photo: LS Archive/Sazzad Ibne Sayed