Maliha Momtaz Oishi

History was made yesterday. Ms. Woman, while lazily scrolling through her computer, received a text from a friend who suggested she watch a movie because it’s “really good”. Woman, without any further ado, grabbed a bowl of popcorn and sat down to watch said movie. This surprised her friend, Friend, greatly.

“People tell you things like ‘I’m adding it to my list’ whenever you tell them to watch something,” said Friend. “But they never do, and you realise that there was no list. They just mentioned that as a decoy so that they could postpone it till you forgot about it.”

“I was played for a fool, time and time again,” adds Friend. “It changed my whole outlook on life. So yes, I was a little shocked when I heard that she actually watched my suggestion. I guess good people still exist.”

Upon being asked about this, Ms. Woman responded, “Well, I figured, why not? I guess it was a little hard at first. Adam Sandler movies will do that to you. His characters are always portrayed as lovable buffoons who, for some reason, are always dressed the same. The character is on vacation, falls in love with a beautiful blonde woman, then it turns out she has children. After that, all of them get up to some wacky hijinks, and then bam, the movie ends on some cheesy note about how family was the most important thing all along. Come to think of it, I’m a little concerned about how my friend thought that the movie was good.”

This event has already caused ripples globally. Friend has been ranked #1 on Orbes’ Top 10 People Who Literally Changed The World , and awarded the Friend Of The Year title by Puzzfeed.

Here’s what some people had to say after hearing of the incident.

“In my 18 years of life, I’ve never heard of anything like it,” said a teen, in a state of total shock.

Another person commented, “We’re living in an era where fast food joints won’t add the extra cheese that you requested on your burger, where people use ellipses unironically, and where Glee is a thing. But when I first heard about the news, I thought, maybe there is some hope left for us.”

While signing autographs, Ms. Woman told her fans, “I just hope that I was able to make my family proud, and I want all of you to remember that my book on friendship and keeping promises drops next month!”

We’ll try to keep you folks updated on this. In the meantime, stay tuned for our next stories, “Company says it cares about employees, actually cares about employees”, and “Teen’s life ruined after not forwarding the chain text message to twenty other people”.

Maliha Momtaz Oishi is a critically acclaimed writer, if you count full marks on 5th grade English tests. Mail her at malihamomtazoishi@gmail.com

Photo: Orchid Chakma