Photo: Orchid Chakma

None of them will surprise you

Fatin Hamama

From claiming that the patty is juicy to claiming that the patty is juicy , Bangladeshi food bloggers are the most diverse bunch of people on the internet. There are, however, only five notable types.

The Burger Person (Duh)

This one here has probably never been to anywhere but famously overrated burger joints to film the same review that has been produced a hundred times when the restaurant in concern had a BOGO offer going on. These bloggers consider burgers that are soggy with sauce, as burgers juicy and bursting with flavours.

The Food Challenge Devotees

They have yet to learn the difference between reviewing food and trying not to choke on it while attempting to finish 50 chicken wings in 20 minutes. While I respect that they have found a way around having to actually pay for the food they mostly waste rather than eat, someone needs to tell them that I just want to know whether the pizza at the new place is actually edible, not whether they can inhale food instead of eating it.

The Ramenverse Inhabitants

The fire noodle warriors are the only ones who actually shed tears and sweat for the content they create. Why these bloggers, people with the spice tolerance of a toddler, choose to do this every other day is beyond me.

Can they even taste what they’re eating if they’re THAT busy crying from the heat and trying not to drool all over the food? I mean, flavour profiling aside, WE GET IT. Buldak’s ramen is SPICY. It’s now time to stop if you only plan to keep filming yourself suffering for the same genre of food over and over again without ever actually doing the review part.

The PR Gang

Since the term explains itself, one of the many things I’d like to unsee for life is another positive review about an unappetising dish from a mediocre restaurant from paid bloggers who’ve only been filming cheese pull boomerangs since 2016.

No, Anika. We do not want to see more of the affection between you and pizzas with sad little sausages and capsicum pieces floating in a sea of rubbery cheese. Trust me, the packaging with pop culture references that aren’t pop culture references make it worse, if you know what I mean (I know you do).

The Screamer

Let’s just say that I would actually try listening to what they’re saying… if only I wasn’t so busy trying to juggle between lowering the volume and flinching if I fail to, every time they… talk.

Also, can you imagine how painful it must be to enjoy a meal at a restaurant properly while someone in the next booth keeps shouting about the juicy burger they’re having? No wonder MejhoBhai keeps getting weird stares while filming at a restaurant.

I could go on, but all this talk has made me hungry. Time to go comment under BurgerPizz’s posts in hopes of free bad pizza!