Transit-Oriented Correspondent

A frustrated Kabu Mia was seen leaving Dhoka West City Corporation’s building last week. He attempted to storm out of there, but was carrying a canvas bag and a plastic wood model of his new invention.

Kabu Mia’s tiny frame could barely support the heavy, complicated model of Moving Roads, so he had to stop at every door and patiently wait for someone to open it for him.

Although his exit wasn’t the cinematic fit of rage he had hoped it’d be, we could understand his general vibe using an infrared vibe-check machine.

His frustration is justified, though -- the city of Dhoka is still bearing the scars of a failed skycar project. The high-power magnetic beams that would support the skycar network stand abandoned. All essential projects related to city development had to be scrapped after the economy crashed in 2020, the year of the covid-22 outbreak.

Meanwhile, the traffic situation in the city has only gotten worse, with abandoned beams taking up entire lanes. Vehicles move so little in the city that road accidents are rare; people die just by sitting in traffic for eternity.

One evening while returning from work, Kabu had a near-death experience. He was stuck in traffic for nine days with his co-worker Orange, who only speaks in Oniket Prantor lyrics.

Those 216 hours changed him as a man. The tortuous experience inspired him to leave his job as a social media manager, and dedicate his life to fixing the city’s traffic jam by improving its public transport system.

“People often question my qualifications, but I have been an active member of Neo-urbanist Memes for Transit-oriented Teens (Numtots) on Facebook for the past seven years, so I’m much more knowledgeable than Abul Kander, minister of roads and watches,” he claimed, trying to maintain a serious expression while balancing Moving Roads using all four limbs.

“The idea is to stop people in their tracks, and get the tracks moving instead, you know,” explains Kabu.

“How, and why?” I ask.[1]

“The roads move and you stand on it. It gets you where you have to go,” he says.

Kabu has designed, what is essentially, an elevated expressway balanced on two giant roller-skates. The skates are controlled by the invisible hand.

He’s confident the city authorities will fund this project.

Asked why he cannot come up with a way to improve the existing public transportation system instead of putting wheels on roads, Kabu Mia said, “That system is too corrupt for me, man.

“Mayor Fatiul told me over phone that he’ll give me 73,000 bitcoins to fund this project, but today his assistant didn’t even let me enter his office! She said he always makes promises he can’t keep so I should leave!” said a disappointed Kabu.

Kabu invited the country’s sovereign to visit his upcoming moving roadshow. “I have called Mr Kander many times to discuss this project but he refuses to talk to experts. I hope the sovereign is smarter than this,” he said.

Epilogue

When Kabu Mia was eight years-old, he watched the movie Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham. Although he attributes his revolutionary idea to the epiphany he had after spending eight hours with Orange, his real inspiration came from the song Suraj Hua Maddham’s lyrics.

You’ll know.