SCHOOL education is like flying economy class -- kids packed in class rooms, which are nothing more than converted bedrooms (oh yes, with attached bathrooms), like sardines. Studying with a tutor in 'batches’ is flying business class.

But there are the rare parents reprimanding their kids: "Don't you dare go to any private tutor. The tutor will come to you!" Aha! Studying one on one with your very own private tutor is flying first class - personalised learning on demand with options to rewind ("Sir, can you explain Newton's 2nd

Law of Motion, five times over?"), fast forward ("I won't study today...") and pause ("Please wait, let me go and watch the Hindi serial first.").

Exercise? Forget it. Oh wait! The kids do get to run in between tutors - from the doorstep to the car. To make up for the lost calories in single digits, throw in the extra value meal of fried chicken with extra large fries and the very conscious Diet Coke. I say do away with the TV remote and have the kids get up and change the channel for you. That at least gets them to burn off a few French fries.

The end result? A mass production of book smart, over weight and sedentary stars of tomorrow. Ok, ok, let’s not forget the plethora of Golden A's, to the point that Dhaka Airport Customs is on red alert.

I thank the Government for making it compulsory to get primary education. And I thank all the parents for making it compulsory to get private tuition.

It's not that to get into a school all one needs is a pen. It's just that parents don't want to take any chances. After all, it is the coveted Golden A that is the golden key to the golden future, not knowing that it could very well be the shortest journey to a golden handshake.

But life comes without a manual. The ritual of regurgitating spoonfed answers, not to mention the clever ways to beat the system (ok, euphemism for cheating) gets us to the professional drawing board to be able to list, at best, the ten reasons why a problem can't be solved, rather than finding the eleventh answer that just might. Oh, and English? We have aced it by spending twelve years learning ABOUT the language as opposed to learning THE language. A double dose of sedatives in the race to compete on a global footing. Hence, the need for the expert expat to lead the charge, while we, the perceived lions, remain the champions of mediocrity.

Yet, we eagerly await the next great local hero with the next great answer to the classic interview question, “Tell me about yourself."

Why do I get the feeling that I already know the answer?

The writer Is an engineer & CEO turned comedian (by choice), the host of NTV's The Naveed Mahbub Show and the founder of Naveed's Comedy Club.

E-mail: naveed@naveedmahbub.com