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Oborodh 2.0

NAVEED MAH BUB
THE Bangladesh versus India match sees the highest score in the history of, er, uhm, ...World Cup Football? Easy on the flak. As Shakib himself said that die Tigers can fumble under the pressure of too many fans watching (hmm, is
tha t why he aced it at the 1PL?).
And the fans are watching
indeed - die Amazon region. Had that not been die case, the final score may have been a standard FIFA game.
And diose eyes of die fans? Well, they are on Pepe and Mueller as diey collide. The former pokes, runs, stops, turns around, walks over, bends down and then butts his head with that of the latter, who is already busy massaging his area of earlier impact. Now, that's a lot of effort just to get die red card. Well, 1 guess Pepe bends over for all the wrong reasons...
Now, add formalin to pepe (papaya) and mula (radish). We see the collision between the road roller and the produce. The less fortunate braves it all to beat the roller to grab a few mangoes for his kids. Oh a small doze of formalin is like a miniscule dose of X-ray - won't hurt. It's a Game of Bones - quickly grab free mangoes or have die bones crushed by the road roller. The Mango ('rush gives the roads a fresh layer of formalin. Good! Here's to the roads lasting all the way through monsoon!
So, the 'Straight from ONG (Chapai Nawab Ganj)' mango stalls are empty. With raids on adulterated food, suppliers are just taking a break while applying some extra formalin so diat die fruits survive till the raids (and now the strikes) are over.
It's Oborodh 2.0 - truck loads of produce heading towards die capital city, intercepted by law enforcement, armed with die formidable formalin buster, Formaldehyde Meter Z-300. Hhm, isn't it used to measure toxins in the air, radier than on a plastic coated fruit? That's like trying to find MH 370 with a pair of binoculars.
Despite best efforts, die match between RAB and FAB (Formalin Association of Bangladesh) remains the Brazil versus Mexico game, at best.
FAB is bold and may soon have its own billboards (in Bangla, remember, English ones have to be taken down, sorry S@ifurs) with a young, attractive lady smiling, "Pure formalin is the secret of my beauty - lam 105."
It is a shame. Bangladesh is the global role model in food security. And that despite having 30% of its land degraded from natural and man-made causes, without which the country would also be ahead of Neptune. And yet it's kamikaze when it comes to feeding ourselves.
So what do we do? Bangladesh is one of only five countries in the world that has seen a decline in the average height of its people. Aha, so the models are not tall, I'm just a tad shorter! If we stop eating fruits, vegetables and fish, we are looking at a nation of hobbits.
How about tax the toxin to stop human taxidermy? Ok, now don't slap taxes on Mango Teleservices, Orange Telecom, Banana Republic, Apple and Blackberry -they do NOT contain formalin.
Second, continue the collective Guillermo Ochoa by not allowing any adulterated food to pass through.
Finally, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. With adulterated fruit, it’s fruit for a fruit. Instead of crushing die mangoes, how about force the perpetrators, if not at gunpoint, dien at least at vuvuzela point, to eat all the mangoes? Oh by die way, all in one go. Nah, not enough. Mix die feast with naga chilies while seven vuvuzelas toot three inches away from the ears till the last one is consumed.
Let's see which is the last one standing -- conscience or non-perishable fruits.
Meanwhile, how about the UN carry out some formalin free food drops? • •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••a The writer is an engineer & CEO turned comedian (by choice), the host of NTV's The Naveed Mahbub Show