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Narayanganj and the Temple of Goom

NAVEED MAHBUB
Narayanganj, the perfect location to film the sequel Taken 4. Wait! Am I crazy? The entire film crew in Narayanganj? What am I going to tell their families?
Let's give Dhallywood another shot at international fame. After all, Hollywood's blockbuster is Zoom, Bolly wood boasts its Dhoom, Crollywood (Crimea) has Doom, Kollywood
(Karachi) has Boom! And now, Dhallywood presents - Coom...
Say what? Too dangerous to film that too? Then how about a local version of The Sopranos - NJ to NG (New Jersey to NarayanGanj). Interesting - the anagram of Sopranos is Sponsoar, which, while turning a blind eye (literally, NO pun intended - I don't want to vanish) looks like Sponsor...
Nah. Even that won't work. The Mafia dumps the body in the trunk ('boot' for the Anglophile, back dalla for the fiercely antiwestern) of the car. The local version won't have that luxury, thanks to the enormous CNG tank in the back.
How about David Copperfield performs his classic disappearing act in Narayanganj? Nope, it might be his last. Then again, he can survive by opening up C@ifurs, the Copperfield coaching center for proper magic. After all, the local magicians are failing to return the live props used in their disappearing acts.
Oh, well, I guess it's no luck with turning the city into a media attraction. Correction! It IS a media attraction now, but for being Paradise Goom. Narayanganj, an almost daily case of MFI 370, while the country remains a biennial case of the MV Sewol (minus any high profile resignations). Cruel joke, but perhaps MH 370 is at the bottom of the Shitalakhya - which continues to gel even more polluted from heart wrenching discoveries floating on the river. Given a choice, we would happily settle for the river being a dyeing river from textiles rather than being a dying river from gentiles.
Well, money talks. Part of the dynamics behind the Narayanganj incidents is the drug trade. Perhaps Narayanganj can be renamed NarayanganjA.
But the conscientious have spoken. The media and the mass have erupted boldly. Perhaps the Mob fearing the potency of a mob, aka, the classic gonopituni, the Goom Goons promptly let go of the abducted Saiful Islam and the husband of Rizwana Hasan unscathed.
Selina Hayat Ivy has also been strongly vocal. To the perpetrators, she's Poison Ivy. For the rest, she's a league of her own - the Ivy League.
Even the PM has ordered the State Minister for Home to arrest the abductors. Wonder what would have happened otherwise. I guess Bangladesh is the only country when an additional order is needed to finally get the job done - you need an escalation of a crisis that leads to the escalation in decision making that leads to the escalation in corrective actions.
The State Minister goes on record with statistics. No, thank Heavens he DIDN'T say, "Rubbish! Seven is a negligible number." But what he did say is, "Abduction rates are down." He is correct. When a victim dies, it's technically no longer (just) a case of abduction, but that of homicide.
'Rate'. Sounds like the interest rate. Well, it's not lied to LIBOR, but measured on the Mexico City scale.
Nevertheless, the fact remains that the absolute number of abductions is not down to zero. The lesser of an evil is if the remaining ones are limited to being mere alien abductions.
But we refuse to give up hope. It is encouraging to see that there is a genuine drive to get things in order. We hold our collective breaths for a bright ending to a dark tale. Otherwise, Narayanganj will become the classic Wild Wild West - perfect for a sequel to the classic High Noon - High Goom.
Meantime, don't start getting too happy. Want to get the euphoria level down? Just read the newspapers.
The writer is an engineer & CEO turned comedian (by choice), the host of NTV's The Naveed Mahbub Show and the