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HUMOROUSLY YOURS

Angry brides

Naveed Mahbub
MY daughter chooses Joutuk Bondho Koto (Meena Series) for me to read to her while putting her to bed.
"Baba, why would someone want a bicycle to marry someone?
Don't the two love each other?"
Good point.
If that's what he wants to ride, then why not have him marry a bicycle? He can have little tricycles to carry the torch of progeny.
This guy is no ordinary Lance Armstrong. He surely gets turned on by bicycles, thus, giving a whole new meaning to the term 'bi-sexual.' The Bollywood version is a boy running after a girl, there's dripping rain, and somewhere in the love triangle, there is a wet bicycle. The steaming love scene is the bicycle being taken out of its packing case.
Coming back to bed time stories. The king offers the hand of his daughter and half the kingdom, but only in return for slaying the indomitable dragon. And the task is accomplished by none other than prince charming.
So, who IS the guy who not only gets the beautiful princess but also the bicycle WITHOUT even having to slay a mosquito?
Meet Mr. Right, the man for sale. Ok, and his cheer leaders - his family too. Oh, don't forget the match making auntie. The dream team - in search of a shareholder. Who cares about a life partner. Nothing in the world is free, so why should be our son.
So much so is the prevalence of dowry that if the boy's father asks for none, the girl's father may ask, "Why? Is there something wrong with the boy?”
So, what are the first words on the first fateful night of matrimony? "Darling. Have I been sold to you? Or have I been sold to the highest bidder?" Dowry has a long history in Europe, South Asia and Africa, it being a conditional gift in 'helping' the husband to discharge the responsibilities of marriage. The practice has long disappeared from Europe. But hey, we must hold on to the vestiges...After all, it is not a mere evil, it is the mother of many evils.
Fear not. There is protection. The law: Take dowry and it's fourteen years of imprisonment. The unwritten law: Don't pay dowry and it's life imprisonment, oh, rigorous, may I add, for the girl. Sometimes, it's even worse. Sometimes, it's innovative - take the recent case of the tech savvy macho man using Facebook to upload obscene images of his own wife, just to speed up the promised receivables.
Many have been vocal in protest. We can write a serious note about a serious issue and have only ten people read it. Or, we can be serious about being funny about a serious situation delivered in a funny way and hope to get a wider, and more so, a pro-active audience.
So, the Geek Patrol steps in.
Angry Brides (yes, based on Angry Birds) is a free application on Facebook, which sees an angry bride attacking prospective grooms in response to their demands for dowry. The state-of-the-art arsenal in attack - red stilettos, flipflops and rolling pins. Wonder what would happen to the dowry seeker when approaching Cat Woman...
Don't want to be the moving target of an online game? Simple - just be a man, not a beggar. Act like a man and depend on your own earnings. Refuse dowry and diffuse the fiery death. Is that so hard?
Meanwhile, I permanently click the 'Not Attending' button of the invite to a dowry-based wedding.
The writer is an engineer & CEO turned comedian (by choice), the host of NTV's The Naveed Mahbub Show and the founder of Naveed's Comedy Club.
E-mail: naveed@naveedmahbub.com