& çâÌæÚUæð´ ·¤è ¥ôÚU Îð¹Ùæ ÁæÚUè ÚU¹ð´ ¥ÍæüÌ ¥ÂÙð ÜÿØ ÂÚU ŠØæÙ ÚU¹ð´Ð ãæÚU Ù ×æÙð´, €UØô´ç·¤ ·¤æ× ·¤ÚUÙð âð ¥æÂ·¤ô ©gðàØ ·¤è Âýæç# ãôÌè ãñ ¥õÚU ÁèßÙ ·¤æ ¹æÜèÂÙ ÎêÚU ãôÌæ ãñÐ ÖÜð ãè ÁèßÙ ×ð´ ç·¤ÌÙè Öè ·¤çÆÙæ§ü €UØô´ Ù ¥æ°, çÁ™ææâæ ¥õÚU ©ˆâæã ÕÙæ° ÚU¹ð´Ð ŠØæÙ ÚU¹ð´, ÜÿØ ã×ðàææ ¥æÂ·Ô¤ Âæâ ãôÌð ãñ´ çÁ‹ãð´ ÂæÙð ·Ô¤ çÜ° ÂýØæâ ¥æÂ ·¤Öè Öè àæéM¤ ·¤ÚU â·¤Ìð ãñ´Ð

Some old wounds never truly heal

Syeda Nazneen Ferdousi
SINCE 2009, the month of February seems to launch a ruthless attack on our basic worth of ourselves as human beings and pours salt on our already painful wounds. I don't think a single person related to those 74 people who lost their valuable lives during the Peelkhana massacre on February 25-26 2009, would disagree with me. I am Shaheed Col. Mojibul Hoq's sister-in-law. He was more a friend to me than my relative so whatever 1 am writing is from my experience and emotions, which are as real as the sun and the moon.
Yes, life moves on and so did we. By 'we' I mean the parents, widows, children, siblings, kith and kin and friends of all those departed souls. But, does our strong appearance mean we have left the ghastly memories behind us? No, we haven’t, they are now part of our lives. Neither have we forgotten nor have we forgiven those involved in the senseless killings. We are all human beings, not angels, and expecting divinity from us 'to forget and forgive' is pure naivety.
My concern is for those who have not been able to get beyond the negativity - anger, bitterness, resentment, self-pity, a sense of injustice (why me?), hatred of whoever or whatever caused the pain, desire for revenge.
I just cannot let this go unsaid - how grateful and indebted I am to all those who stood by us at the darkest moment of our lives and lent their unconditional support. They continue to be our well-wishers by patronising 'Col Mojib Trust' - an endeavour created by family members to keep Col Mojib's memory alive, and to uphold his values and principles, his noble views, his love and dedication for the country, and his commitment.
However, our grievances are pointed towards those who were supposed to act with responsibility but failed to do so. They totally ignored the necessity of counseling the immediate members of the deceased -their wives, children and siblings. They never understood that the wounds of those who were incapable of letting go could still have an effect even after 20 years.
I suppose the theory that given enough time everything will be re-cycled in the chaos of eternal and infinite activity may sound good, but it is only a verbal try-on for the scarred and emotionally crushed ones who must live with their wounds somehow. It is an easy thing to say, but when you are the wounded one you probably don't feel the same way.
Five years after the incident, I am now venting out my anger as I had to face questions like "how are you still alive when so many people were killed inside Peelkhana?" "Oh my God, so many people were killed inside, so how did your sister and nephew survive?" "I am sure your brother-in-law got the hints of rebellion brewing among the staff...why didn't he do anything?" "Well, the incident was a concern for the army, why should the civilians suffer?"
Or comments like, "the families of the slain army officers are doing fine... .they have received huge amount of money, flats, land...they are all happy;" "their children are studying abroad, some of the widows are getting married.. .so they are moving on...;" "oh, I thought they will never be able to get out of the grief...but they seem to have forgotten everything."
I really feel sorry for these people who act as if they know exactly what has been happening inside the minds of the grief-stricken. As if the widows and the orphans or the siblings of the deceased would have shared in public how they were passing their days and nights. Young widows who were just married before their husbands were killed, what were they supposed to do? Kill them-selves/bury themselves with their husbands' corpses ....or waste the rest of their lives in isolation, just to get some sympathy or pity... that too, from people who were devoid of any common 'human' sense?
People and public officers sought my view on the verdict of the trial (delivered on November 5, 2013). My reaction was straightforward (and in this regard, I didn't speak on behalf of all). 1 said: "I still have so many questions that remain unanswered. Who were behind the planning of the killing? Exactly what had happened on those two days? Certainly discontentment among staff for salary, benefits/perks cannot justify such brutality. It
is still unclear to me why and how 68 soldiers in custody died of'heart attack' within a short span of time, at the very initial stage of interrogation. Were their statements recorded at the time of interrogation and used during the trial?"
I was categorical about my view and said: "I am not the vindictive type...so even if 2,000 people are hanged as a result of the verdict, it will not make me any happier....because I will never get my dear one back. But if I get answers to the questions, then at least I can console myself in knowing WHY those precious lives were snatched away within less than 48 hrs."
I am well aware that healing begins with the process of forgiving and forgetting... .but how can this be an option for me.. .when I don't even know who to forgive and who to forget?
Time does not heal some wounds and the BDR massacre left wounds as deep as the Pacific. Life, for all the families of the deceased will never be the same again. Yet, for the sake of living in sanity, I do not want any of us to give up. So, on behalf of the family members of all 74 irreplaceable lives that we had lost, let me keep the light of hope kindled and pray for 'the gift of MORE time'... .to help the wounds heal. We know those wounds will ultimately leave an abysmal scar, but we will live with it.