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HUMOROUSLY YOURS

So-Bank Redemption

NAVEED MAHBUB
Malaysia cracks down on illegal migrant workers, Bangladeshis included, who have been busy keeping the cities clean. Meanwhile, Mother Bangladesh remains a Mother Teresa -opens up its welcoming arms for the whole world to bring in gifts of valuable expertise such as bomb manufacturing (manuals included), VoIP operations and counterfeit money printing.
Not to be outdone by incoming competition, we prove our technological mettle, putting the Anglo-French Chunnel Authorities to shame. A lone construction worker, inspired by his uncle-in-law, who in turn is inspired by Shawshank Redemption, successfully completes an eight foot tunnel without it caving in (the eventual confession is perhaps narrated by Morgan Freeman).
Now, that's first class civil engineering! This fellow should have been hired by Rana Plaza.
It's two years of painstaking digging while being considerate about noise pollution. Finally, a light at the end of the tunnel, literally. Darn! That's the pathetic ceiling light of the corridor!! Talk about taking a wrong turn. Wonder what expletives echoed through the lonely, dark tunnel while cursing the fellow who had given him the directions (GPS doesn't work underground). Let's face it, we are not the best when it comes to giving directions over surface, let alone underneath it.
Precious time lost. Time is money, again, literally. Hey, it could have been worse, like ending up in the toilet, or even lethal, like being a jack-in-the-box popping up right in front of the night guard.
He gets it right the next time around. And not only that, he finds Taka 14.6 crore neatly laid out on the table. How thoughtful. Nothing like a fully laid out table after a hard day's work. The bank should perhaps change its motto to: "If you're our neighbour, you won't have to stand in line. That's our 'hallmark'!"
After several strenuous commutes between home and 'work', he is tired. It's asking too much to count all that money. Might as well relax, watch the news which would tell anyway exactly how much was stolen.
Oh, what a mole! And a smart one too. He uses rice instead of flour sacks to stash the cash. After all, the 'dough' inside the latter would be a dead giveaway.
To transport the precious cargo, he hires a truck to Dhaka for Taka 12,000. Thank Heavens there's no Oborodh, else, the truck fee would have been the whole booty itself.
But alas, it's not a happy ending. Within two days, the Rab does a fab job to nab him and grab back Taka 16.19 crore.
Well done, men and women in black! So what if we're still short of Taka 21 lakh? The recovery here is far better compared to that of the Taka 2,686 crore scored by Hall-Mark through 804 LCs on a single day from this very bank, setting a world record of 3.3 LCs per minute. I wish all government agencies would work at such lightning speed...
Let's just look at this as a frugal Taka 21 lakh Dhallywood cliffhanger, So(nali)-Bank Redemption, based on the true story about the sensational lives of 500 and 1,000 taka notes. A Bonnie and Clyde version would not have been quite as sexy with a middle aged construction worker and his sexagenarian uncle-in-law as the partner in crime.
But the movie ends with a twist, leaving room for a sequel. How come it's the same bank twice in a quick succession of a couple of years? Why was the cash on the table? Was it an inside job? There is only one way to find out - wait for Godot.
Till then, at least the law states that even the usual suspect is innocent until proven guilty. Then again, our reality: guilty until the phone starts ringing... The writer is an engineer & CEO turned comedian (by choice), the host of NTV’s The Naveed Mahbub Show and the founder of Naveed's Comedy Club.
E-mail: naveed@naveedmahbub.com