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HUMOROUSLY YOURS

Morning Shows the Day

NAVEED MAHBUB
FEELING left out, the government carries out its own oborodh by cutting off all public transportation to Dhaka. Stranded travelers walk towards the capital, thus making the Long March at least a partial success.
The rare solidarity continues. The two parties join hands in forcing the cancelation of the other two parties - Christmas and New Years.' However, Boxing Day takes on a whole new meaning on the premises of the Supreme Court.
The two parties are merely taking part in their joint five-yearly winter exercises. I just hope there isn't another two year intermission.
Meanwhile, the government, in its spree to lending a helping hand, starts with the ailing real estate and transportation sectors. It hires (commandeers) sand trucks to block the entrances to the Opposition Leader's house.
Furious, the Opposition Leader vows to take Gopalganj off the map. That may not be necessary, as, in a continuation of the rare solidarity, the leaders of both the parties are well on their way to getting Bangladesh off the map.
Perhaps there is a mad race between political warming and global warming to see which destroys Bangladesh first. So as to stay on track, the elections are etched in stone for the 5"’. Preparations are in place. The military has been deployed to hazardous election duties. They would at least be better positioned to identify hostile elements in a far more hazardous South Sudan.
The Election Commission has galvanised its field officers by sending out the directive that should they get killed in the line of duty, their families would get Taka five lakh each. What better encouragement to show up at work than this...
And the candidates are as ready as one can be, unless already victorious while uncontested. Even the hospitalised Chairman of the third major party (last seen playing golf) is ready with his campaign slogan: "Please do not vote for me!"
God alone knows what will happen on the 5,h. But if there is an election, where no voter has the faintest clue as to where to go and who the candidates are, at least limit the chaos to within an EPZ - Election Processing Zone. What emerges then on January 6'h is a one party (alliance) government. May I suggest the victory anthem be The Beatles' Back in the USSR?
Feeling crappy? Look at the brighter side - we are at least contributing to the Thesaurus by adding two new words for 'depression.' I'm not talking about 'hartal' & 'oborodh.'
Here's the bottom line - there is no incumbent Bangladesh and there is no opposition Bangladesh. There is only the Bangladesh that can't believe how bad the two have done in this encounter. To trace back to the roots of this longest running test match, let's keep in mind that it's not that only two volunteers stepped forward from a crowd of 160 million, but that 160 million have taken a step back, thus leaving only two in the front by default. The time has come for some from the pack to take two steps forward. Only then will we see the shepherd. As the saying goes: "A shepherd only emerges when the flock is ready."
Well, the flock is finally ready...
The writer is an engineer & CEO turned comedian (by choice), a motivational speaker and the host of NTV's The Naveed Mahbub Show. E-mail: naveed@naveedmahbub.com