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HUMOROUSLY YOURS

Comedy of Terrors

Naveed Mahbub
MIKHAILKalashniko v lives a long life of 94 years, while his invention, the AK-47 assault rifle, is credited with shortening the lives of a long list of human beings. The Wild Wild West may have thanked Samuel
Colt, but all of 20'" century's marauders remain ever grateful to Kalashnikov, while Bangladesh continues to thank Vyacheslav Molotov (ok, just for his name).
And amidst the omnipresent Molotov cocktails, I join the Silence of the Lambs as democracy still remains a head-butt of the goats. I'm on my bicycle, as I hit the streets of Dhaka right in the middle of the latest oborodh. Hazardous, as the choice is between getting hit by a cocktail or a bus. Yes, I did say bus. They are on the roads in a plenty, with their characteristic defiance, but this time, against oborodh. Slow moving buses are right next to me. Even more hazardous -at any minute, a nauseated passenger, with his neck sticking out through the window, can puke all over me. The bus helper is a perfect gentleman, "Hello cyclist bhai jaan,..." while keeping an eye open for the rock star, aka, rock throwing arsonist, appearing out of and disappearing into nowhere, just like a Khmer Rouge guerilla.
The traffic is horrendous. It's like not heeding to the call of nature for five days and then hitting the toilet with a record breaking Tsunami. The traffic is bumper to bumper, mudguard to mudguard, chest to shoulder. Finally, people are ecstatic to be stuck in traffic. This is the sign of the normal
Bangladesh that, till recently, had been taken for granted.
Perhaps, it's also a collective sigh of relief at the prospect of 'just' a Long March by way of the Bridge Over the River Buriganga, unless of course, that's sabotaged earlier by way of friendly fire during oborodh. To mark the victory of Selection, er, Election 2014, the incumbent, wearing their signature black & white, can perhaps counter with a March of the Penguins, displaying the 'V sign - V for Voterless.
Meanwhile, the third party, after all these years, continues to yield remnants of influence. The Chairman boycotts the polls. The Opposition is happy. His significant other participates. The incumbent is happy. Whether this is a case of a normal couple with differing views, or divide & conquer, or the party splitting into a Commonwealth, one thing is for sure, this gives a whole new meaning to the term 'power couple.'
All accounted for. No wait, there's the fourth unexpected quarter which may call a last minute oborodh. They are the unemployed professional vote riggers, thanks to all the seats going uncontested.
Maybe the three major players in this soap opera can change their symbols to Shoe, Dog and Pony -- one for Shoe-ing the country as the other two make the elections a Dog & Pony show.
Meanwhile, the silent lambs observe a minute of silence for the cop burned to death while in the line of duty. The lambs know no better but to serially stack a minute each for each death preceding this one. Nation - get ready to observe five years of silence.
The writer is an engineer and CEO turned comedian (by choice), a motivational speaker and the host of NTV's The Naveed Mahbub Show.
E-mail: naveed@naveedmahbub.com