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Whoop 'Em Gangnam Style

NAVEED MAH Bl IB
//T A T ELGOME aboard Bus 6A. As cocktails are served on this ride and if you are lucky enough V V to jump out unscathed, we hope you keep the memory fresh till the day of voting."
Still, the buses are packed, as there are just a few on the empty streets. That's progress from the good old days of hartal when we played cricket on the streets. We still can, except that the game is constantly interrupted by the ball exploding in our faces. Give some credit to the manufactures for creating looks that kids find irresistible. If only they could delay the time to detonation, it would be interesting to see the faces of the fielders for a change as they are thrown back the ball by the kids. "Howzzzaat!" And the kids can run after them with stumps and cricket bats.
Like fielders in cricket, we crave maiden weeks. Yet, Operation Search, er, Torch Light continues. The powerful do not see—they are a wonder—Stevie Wonder, as the majority remains as helpless audiences today... though one day can become sharp witnesses.
Meanwhile, we are losing track of weekdays and weekends. There are cancellations galore due to 'unavoidable' circumstances, though the circumstances are very much avoidable. Hartal is indeed a suicidal act—after all, the word HAR-tal can be traced back to the Japanese word HAR-akiri. Surely there's a better way to make a point then being a Kamikaze pilot. If damage IS the objective, how about all stop paying taxes? There'll be lots of takers. Just as hurricanes get names based on their destructive powers, hartals can earn the right to have their own names too, like, uh, help me out here, I can only think of a couple...
Like a hurricane, hartal seems to lack no energy. We could surely win a few medals in the next Olympics if we channelise the hormones. So, it's discus for stones, javelin for sticks, opening ceremony fireworks for cocktails, fencing for machetes and Usain Bolt matched up against the fleeing picketer. Fine, the mascot can be a burning double-decker bus.
Wishful thinking, as life remains a struggle. Surely we can at least have a hartal forecast for some better planning: "Today was clear, but mugging for most of the city. Dhaka had the high for the day at 27 burnt buses. Expect rowdy guys for most of Sunday with adrenaline in the high 90s. Things might change by Sunday evening with a storm front moving in from the DMP headquarters. Depending on this, we can expect light scattered stones over the northern part of the city. There will be partial crowds for most of the morning, but these crowds should move out by mid-afternoon, once subject to tear gas."
Meantime, please, please, pick up the red phone and talk. Just to let you know, calls can be made from either end. So what if the first 37 minute cold call was cold as a harbinger of the cold weather, there can always be another call, perhaps a dinner thrown in too. Besides, I'm sure the red phone is working now. Else, just use a red coloured cell phone and dial 6483 (OGLIE), i.e., DIAL OGUE. Win the argument first, then the vote. Just picture the scorched 14 year old Monir. He may have finally found peace from his agony, but there are many, many more Monirs still in torment, waking up every day to say, "Bad morning, Bangladesh!"
The writer is an engineer & CEO turned comedian (by choice) and the host of NTV's Grameenphone Presents