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SHIFTING IMAGES

The comfort zone of friendship

Milia Ali
IN a recent United Nations World Happiness Report, Denmark has won the top spot. Intended to “review the state of happiness in the world,” the research was based on a "comprehensive measurement system" and challenged the conventional view that happiness is linked primarily to income.
One might well ask: "Why Denmark?" Located in Northern Europe, a Constitutional Monarchy of five and half million inhabitants, the country is seldom in the news for spectacular reasons. What is it, then, that makes Denmark special as compared to other wealthy, demo-
cratic nations that can boast of advanced innovative research, robust economic growth and a high standard of living? While commenting on the results of the report, renowned development economist Jeffery Sachs noted: "There is now a rising worldwide demand that policy be more closely aligned with what really matters to people as they themselves characterise their well-being."
Despite the subtle differences in connotation, I shall use the terms happiness and well-being interchangeably. In any case, well-being is difficult to define in tangible terms. It is known that factors like economic security, work-life balance, gender equality, freedom of expression and social benefits contribute to the happiness and well-being of a population. However, an important element identified as critical to Denmark's success is that it is a society where citizens participate and contribute toward making the social system work. More than 40 % of all Danes undertake voluntary work, which, apart from yielding tremendous economic benefits, builds a "social capital" that translates into a strong trust-based community.
The Report and its findings assumed a special significance for me at a personal level. Alone in a hospital in Rome, as I waited for my husband to recuperate from an accident he encountered on our holiday trip, I reflected hard on life's twists and turns and the factors that lead to happiness. It's interesting that, although my husband's recovery was a primary concern, 1 was restless to return to my own space where life may be tedious and imperfect but still predictable. I wondered why I had this deep yearning to come back "home" despite the fact that the medical facilities in Europe were quite satisfactory. The only rational explanation was that I missed the security and comfort of being with friends. Each Roman afternoon, as the sun rose in the Washington sky, we were flooded by phone calls from friends in the US asking: "What can we do? How is he? How are you coping?" Close friends, not so close friends, acquaintances - everyone called and provided comfort and solace. Differences in political ideologies, ego battles and petty social tiffs seemed to have dissolved and the overriding message was: "Come home - we are here foryou.”
Like many who have made a new country their home, I suffer from a malaise that can be best described as "dislocation." I am often lost in the quagmire of mixed identities. I have been struggling with this conflict for years and have often asked myself: "Where am I happiest? In Bangladesh, where I have my roots, or in the US, where I live and have nurtured deep friendships?”
As our return flight touched the tarmac on Washington's Dulles airport, I heard myself muttering: "Finally, I am home." The words were spontaneous and sincere. For the first time I consciously felt Washington is my home because this is my comfort zone. Starting from the overwhelming reception at the airport to returning to a house filled with flowers, food and laughter (thanks to friends) it was indeed the happiest homecoming of my life. It also helped me realise that the greatest contributor to happiness is not a perfect country, a perfect house or enormous wealth. It's loving friends who share their happiness and stand by you in times of need. Which is why I can connect to the "happiness” report: Denmark may not be the richest country in the world but its citizens have collectively created a sense of togetherness and well-being.
Bangladesh will always be a part of me since that is where I spent my formative years just as I have been a part of its formative process. Like the country's music, language and culture, my Bangladeshi friends continue to evoke intense feelings of love and nostalgia. They are an integral part of my DNA - for they are built into my system. However, I have no hesitation in admitting that my return to the United States after the trying time in Italy has convinced me that the strong feeling of community here gives me a sense of security like nowhere else. Is this a transient feeling? Or is it that I have finally learnt to live with multiple identities?
The writer is a renowned Rabindra Sangeet exponent and a former employee of the World Bank.