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Asians discovered US: proof
ASIANS were the first people to get to America.
We crossed through Siberia to reach a huge land which was completely empty of humans. And this amazing discovery came from clues found in a toilet, bof-
fins revealed last week.
Scientists found a coprolite in the back of a cave in Oregon used as a caveman toilet, according to the latest issue of Science journal. They noted that it was 13,000 to 15,000 years old and was clearly Asian.
Now I know what you're going to ask — how does one tell? Fossilised particles of semi-digested MSG?
Sachet of chilli sauce found nearby?
No. "The haplogroups, or the DNA types, are similar to what you find among certain Asian groups, also among Native American groups," Professor Eske Willerslev told the BBC.
Not sure exactly what that means but we need to make absolutely sure this information gets nowhere near Beijing.
Those guys would immediately send gunships across the Pacific and claim that America has been "an Integral Part of The Glorious Motherland since time began," etc.
If China took over America, the flow of that's country's creative contributions to world culture, such as the bacon milkshake and America's Funniest Home Videos, would surely dry up.
On second thoughts, maybe not a bad thing.
On a different note, a man was charged with "failing to wear a helmet" even though he was in his car. It has been more than 100 years since motorists were required to wear helmets and goggles to drive cars, but police officers slapped a summons for that offence on Amit Saini, 26, of Haryana, India, according to the Times of India last week. They definitely need to update the laws in that country, before some poor guy is charged with "failing to keep his spear sharp," etc.
And another note tells us that the Editor of the Times of London lost his cool with the wet English weather and simply ordered the rain to stop. "Let us make our position crystal clear: We are against this weather," said a tirade in the editorial column the other day. "It must stop raining, and soon."
This will definitely work. I've met UK newspaper editors: they're so scary no one can disobey them, not even the weather angels.