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SHIFTING IMAGES

The incredible lightness of being

Milia Ali
O, what do you do?" asked t I have a job? No, I don't." V—’ This often triggers followup queries like: "Oh! Then, what do you do the whole day?" Good question! Often, I am tempted to retort: "I dwell in nothingness!" However, I have realised that
for most people "doing" means participating in an activity which translates into a paycheck, profit or some tangible benefit. Judging by this yardstick, I am at best a dead beat or a flunky and at worst a social parasite living off either inherited wealth, or a fat pension, or my husband's earnings! Fortunately, owing to intense lobbying by feminist groups, housewives who care for young kids are excused for not "doing anything" economically valuable! But, since I am past the reproductive age, the assumption is that I am a "non-doer" who makes no significant contribution to society!
I appreciate that it's the "doers" who bring about change and innovation. Where would we be without these high achievers who are determined and driven? I admire people who have already made five phone calls, sent seven text messages and organised three meetings on their way to work. Not to speak of all the productive things they do during the rest of the workday. These go-getters can multitask, juggle between three disparate chores and are always there when something important needs to be accomplished.
I don't just mean men and women who work in an office. "Doing" also extends to women who come for dinner and take over your kitchen or drop in for a
casual visit and within minutes organise tea and offer you a cup in your very own house! Some even provide gratuitous counseling on children's upbringing and education, marital relationships and, if slightly encouraged, offer advice on fashion, house decor and social etiquette. These people also sit in five different Board Committees, organise galas and charity events. Please don't get me wrong — their inputs to our social lives are very useful.
However, there are others who "do" many things but just don't seem to fit into the standard profile. For example, my honest response to: "What do you do?" is: "Well, I manage my house, do some pro bono work, I read, sometimes I sing and I write a little." Unfortunately, these tasks seem mundane in comparison to what the real movers and shakers do!
The issue of being labeled as non-productive has been nagging me for quite a while. However, after hard reflection, I have concluded that it's not important only to "do," one must pause and take time to "be." I understand the need to pursue one's worldly ambitions but, in the process, are we collectively forgetting how to "be?" It is difficult to explain, in precise terms, what "being" actually entails because it can assume different connotations for different people. For me, "being" is taking time to be introspective. In fact, just experiencing the silence of the world within me gives me the opportunity to have an internal dialogue — and, perhaps, ask myself a few incisive questions about my relationships and my total connectivity with my surroundings!
Does this mean I have become indolent and no longer want to pursue my dreams and ambitions? Of course not! But, with age I am gradually coming to terms with the fact that there is a time to "be" and a time to "do" — the challenge is to ensure that there is a symmetrical relationship between the two. The idea is not entirely novel. In a somewhat different context, Bertrand Russell (In Praise of Idleness) talked about how a balance between work and idle time could actually create equilibrium in our lives. He believed that if this balance is achieved "... there will be happiness and joy of life, instead of frayed nerves, weariness, and dyspepsia. The work exacted will be enough to make leisure delightful, but not enough to produce exhaustion." Interestingly, today corporations have realised how important work-life balance is to ensure a productive, creative and happy work force. Recent research also indicates that work, home, community and self need to be viewed as a comprehensive system where each component complements the other.
The truth is, every individual needs to find his/her comfort zone in this fast-paced world. Like the protagonist Chanu in Monica Ali's Brick Lane, I have realised: "The thing about getting older is that you don't need everything to be possible anymore, you just need some things to be certain." No one can provide a perfect prescription for prioritising certainties over possibilities. For me, talking time to "be" has actually freed me to "do" all the things I want to accomplish in my life at this point.
Try it out — it might actually work for you too!
The writer is a renowned Rabindra Sangeet exponent and a former employee of the World Bank.
****No one can provide a perfect prescription for prioritising certainties over possibilities. For me, taking time to "be" has actually freed me to "do" all the things I want to accomplish.*****