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It’s raining cattle
LIKE many people, I regularly look up to the heavens and say. "Why has a cow never fallen on me?’
1 Ofte of thfe ttl&iW Y^SOfirdiS-cehiing consumers like me chose to live on planet Earth is that delightfully bizarre things happen to us here.
For example, a criminal may mug us wielding a bottle of chilli sauce; we may drink a carton of milk only to find to find that it contains industrial chemicals; or, most memorably of all, a large animal may fall on us out of a clear, blue sky. Yes, life on Earth keeps us on our toes, just one long laugh-fest!
But the fact is, life can be horribly unfair. Despite having spent most of my life on Earth, no large animals have ever flown out of the heavens and crash-landed on my head.
The same cannot be said about a man recently motoring down the highway in Changchun. China. His journey was interrupted by a cow descending out of the blue and bouncing off the hood of his car. The heavy black-and-white beast left a deep dent into the vehicle. Police reckon it fell out of a speeding truck. The cow had no motor insurance, third-party or otherwise.
And in Washington, in the United States, a large object fell from the sky and landed on the roof of a minivan belonging to Charles and Linda Everson. Mr Everson, 49. got out of the car to see what had hit it, and his wife heard him repeating: "1 don’t believe it. I don't believe it." She joined him to find it was ... another cow! This time, a 300-kilogram whopper. Police suspect it somehow flew off a nearby cliff, possibly attempting to hang-glide
without the benefit of a hang-glider.
Readers informed me that earlier this year in Alaska, a flying '' YnooW ’ fiafrdivly fni^ed hirtlrig state trooper Howard Petdrson, crash-landing a few metres ahead of his vehicle. The trooper told reporters that the moose, a creature he once considered primarily a land animal, can soar through the air. ’They can fly and they can land." he told the Anchorage Daily News. ’Just not very welL"
There have been similar incidents in Europe. Norway resident Leo Henriksen was enjoying a leisurely Sunday drive with his wife when a 350-kilogram moose landed on their car. The tiny red Japanese vehicle did not win the argument. People are always going on and on about how brilliant Japanese cars are, but the wreckage made it clear that the manufacturer, Mazda Corp., neglected to include any sort of protection whatsoever from giant descending mammals, which I know is hard to believe.
Asia, of course, is the World Capital of Bizarre Road Hazards. In Asia, my road journeys have been interrupted by the sudden emergence of monkeys, elephants. wildebeest, and — scariest of all -- leaping herds of procommunism demonstrators
In Hong Kong, live fish are transported in open tanks on the back of speeding trucks. I was once being driven along a highway when a surprised-looking garoupa slapped onto the windscreen. It bounced away before I could claim it for lunch.
But I have yet to have a cow fall out of a clear sky and land on top of me. Unless of course you count my first girlfriend. What can I say? There are cows and there are cows.