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Why get free air outside when you can pay for it?
I wrote a column recently about the stupidity of people who pay vast sums for bottled tap water when they have the exact same stuff free on tap in their homes.
I was promptly deluged by mail, which put me straight. "You said it was idiotic to pay for bottled tap water, Mr. Smartypants Columnist, but you are wrong," said Ameena Das. "It is very, very stupid, but not idiotic. What IS idiotic is to pay for canned air."
She knows someone who orders air-in-a-can at $9 a go, despite the fact that the stuff is freely available
everywhere on earth in a large, conveniently located storage area called The Outdoors.
"He sprays canned air at his computer keyboard and it blows the dust into the air. It swirls and then settles, and then he sprays it again," she said. "Hoursoffun."
Actually, I also have a high-tech device that does that It's called A Mouth.
Other readers pointed out that oxygen bars, which first appeared in Japan, can now be found in several countries. While people think these places sell pure oxygen, the stuff is really just ordinary air
with a slightly higher oxygen concentration (30 percent compared to21 percent).
You can also waste hard cash on ordinary air in the UK. "It is possible to purchase 'Fresh Devon,' 'Welsh' and 'Mancunian' varieties," reader Janet Mann told me. "The problem though, is that the cans are ring-pull types, so one huge lungful and then it's gone forever."
Reader Vince A. of Melbourne reckons the bottled air business would increase if you had strong, distinctive flavours: "English Countryside” (wet grass and sheep droppings), "French Countryside"
(wet grass, sheep droppings and cheese) and perhaps a few Asian ones too, such as: "Beijing Industrial Summer" (which would be air you can chew -- after all, it’s always good to be able to see what you are eating).
Lisa Ip of Hong Kong reckons new mums would buy bottled air. "You can sell anything to new parents with the label 'non-toxic, safe for babies,"’she said.
Her comment reminded me of an Asian brand of bottled water called Jetmate. Each bottle had a warning on it: "Caution: for drinking purpose only." I could never
quite work this out. Did it mean that if you want to give it to your baby to drink, fine, but if you want to wash the toilet, get something better?
The best idea for expanding the air market came from a reader named Samantha, who hankered for chocolate-covered blobs of oxygen. Unlike ordinary canned air, (a) it would taste of something; (b) it would be less fattening than normal chocolate; (c) it would be lightweight so cheaper to ship, and best of all, (d) it would be an excuse to eat chocolate as a health food. Can't argue with that.
Meanwhile, Oxia personal oxygen dispensers from the US have gone on sale in various Asian places, including Singapore. Taiwan and Japan. The information provided with the can says that if you buy the small size, you will get 40 deep breaths and the large size has 70 deep breaths.
You know what? 1 managed to get quite a few deep breaths absolutely free. I looked at the price tags and noticed they said $50 and $70 on them.
Our columnist s webs te wit make you wish you'd stopped breathing www.vittachi.com.