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World's earliest blogger had his work cut out for him
THE world's first blogger has been found. It's an Indian nerd. (What a surprise.) Stand up and take a bow, Ashoka Piyadassi of northeastern India. Yay’
Well, actually, he can't stand up and take a bow because he's dead. Ashoka started (and finished) writing his blog a long time before any other rival claimants to the title: 2000 years earlier, to be precise.
Now I know what you are thinking How could this guy have written a blog so long ago, two millennia before the invention of the key elements of on-line diary-writing,
which are, of course, abject self centredness and atrocious spelling?
Well, historians now believe that self-centredness is actually a lot older than most people think. It was invented by a woman named Eve, who looked at a fruit tree and thought. "Rules, schmools, I need a low-cal snack that won't go to my hips."
And bad spelling? William Shakespeare, often described as the world's greatest author, frequently misspelled his own name, sometimes writing it "Francis Bacon."
For Ashoka, 2000 years ago, the
big challenge was equipment. Wi-fi was in short supply, so his blog posts were literally posts. He chiseled them into rock pillars and delivered them by hand to vast numbers of places all over the Known World
Now you may well be thinking: how cornel never heard of this guy? Few people have. I reckon it's because historians have listed his inscribed pillars in their dusty tomes as The Edicts of Ashoka
But I've read the things. They arc no more edicts than my laundry lists are (and I write great laundry lists). No, Ashoka's posts are a self-serving list of personal achievements ("1 dug some wells") interspersed with idle thoughts on how to fix the world's problems ("let us all be vegetarians"). His posts run on a casually egomaniac assumption that the rest of humanity will benefit from access to his unedited thoughts: the unmistakable stamp of the blogger.
Of course, Ashoka lived in a different era so his interests differ from ours. In one posting, he tells us his household has gone vegetarian "except for one deer and two peacocks every day." In my house we barely get through a deer and two peacocks a week, unless we're really hungry.
Today, there are 120 million blogs. Fears have been expressed that they may sound the death-knell of newspapers. But then every invention, including radio, television, the hula hoop, peanut butter, the deodorising insole and the padded brassiere have been credited with sounding the death knell of newspapers.
We're still here. Some Asian newspapers, such as the rivals of this one. can be pathetically dull, but even they are interesting compared to what you read in today's blogs.
Possibly the dullest blog ever can be found at wiblog.com. One entry,
entitled "Standing in the Middle of the Room," reads as follows: "I was standing at a central point in the room. The walls were all at approximately the same distance from me. 1 continued to stand there for a few moments."
Be still, my heart Thrilling stuff.
One guy in my office tells me that there are some bloggers who are not rampant egomaniacs. I'm impartial enough to be willing to record his point of new
But I should also point out that he also believes in the tooth fairy.
For an example of a realty dul Nog. try www vittachi com