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Too much 'vexasian' can lead to a 'secretariot'
Aman and a woman were sitting in a restaurant "accidentally" bumping their legs together under the table. Or in other words, they were at the early stage of a relationship which a friend of mine calls "kneegotiations."
There is a definite need for new words for modern life, readers agree. "Every day. someone comes up with some new invention or habit or convention for which no word exists," said Joseph Da Silva from Sri Lanka. He
I suggested the following:
Secretariot: When support staff
go on strike and tear up the office.
Borediance: An audience which has fallen asleep.
Federal Reserve: Natural reticence which prevents financial officials from saying things like: "The economy's collapsing! Run!"
Xenaphobia: Fear of warrior princesses and other tough women.
Reader Tom Marrin suggested that instead of "Army and Navy" (the name of a famous clothes shop in the west), Asia should have stores called "Armani and Navy," for imitation designer
clothes.
He also suggested a new noun, "abra-kebabra." He explained: "This is an illusion performed after a night getting drunk, whereby a kebab is made to disappear down the performer's throat, only to reappear a short time later on the back of a taxi driver's head."
Reader Therese Necio-Ortega came up with the word "teension," which describes the state of agitation in a household caused by adolescent moodswings.
She also suggested three new meanings of the word Aids:
For herself: Acute Income Deficiency Syndrome.
For corrupt politicians: Amassed Income Deposited Somewhere.
For office workers: As If Doing Something.
Meanwhile, a tech-y reader from South Asia came up with the following, which all have a technological theme:
Open-Collar Workers: People who work at home on computers and never get out of their pajamas.
Cobweb Site: A website that hasn't been updated for a year or more.
Selfsurfer: Egomaniac who types his own name into Google and Yahoo every day to see if anyone has mentioned him.
Grasian: Hair colourant that makes Asian hair black again.
Gaysian: Homosexual Asian.
Talking of this region, a reader who wished only to be known as The Stasian Master came up with these new words, all on the theme of modern Asians.
Abbreviasian: A shorter-than-average Asian.
Vexasian: An irritated Asian.
Emancipasian: Asian who achieves equality.
Agitasian: Asian who scored only 98 per cent in a math test.
Stagnasian: Asian in a rut.
Exploitaslan: Underpaid Asian.
Flirtasian: Asian who laughs at someone's jokes because they have a desirable passport.
Sensasian: Asian who feels a desperate longing for rice while on lengthy business trip to Europe.
Procrastinaslan: Asian trying
to work out how many rich or otherwise useful people are going to be at a party before they decide to go.
Invasian: What Hong Kong people did to Vancouver.
Taxasian: Doomed attempt by governments on the east side of the world to get money from their citizens.
Temptasian: The desire among Asians abroad to skip social events and go home alone to eat comfort food.
Standardisasian: The false suggestion that Asians arc a homogenous group, as often demonstrated in Nury Vittachi's column.
Ouch. Well, Stasian Master, I get your point, and I am not trying to commit the crime of evasian, but this column is subject to syndicasian, so I have to suffer a bit ofgeneralisasian.
Discover words you realty don't want to know at www vittachi.com