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Imaginary conversation between Bush and Condoleezza Rice on Bangladesh

Dr. Fakhruddin Ahmed writes from Princeton
BELOW is a fictitious and wishful conversation between US President George W. Bush and the Secretary of State Dr. Condoleezza Rice, as Secretary Rice presents the President with a letter signed by sixteen US legislators.
Dr. Rice: Mr. President, here is a letter signed by sixteen Senators and Congressmenabout Bangladesh.
President Bush: What’s "Bangladesh"?
Dr. Rice: It is a South Asian country that used to bea part of Pakistan.
President Bush: Why isn't it now? What else has Musharraf been doing behind my back? I knew I couldn't trust the guy!
Dr. Rice: This happened long before Musharraf, Mr. President, in 1971 “East Pakistan" broke away from Pakistan and became Bangladesh with India's help.
President Bush: No wonder Henry Kissinger said you couldn't trust the Indians!
Dr. Rice: No Mr. President, Bangladeshis welcomed India's help.
President Bush: So, what's the problem now?
Dr. Rice: The legislators say diat there is too much political and religious violence in Bangladesh, eminent citizens have been killed and the government cannot find die killers.
President Bush: I cannot find WMDinlraqeither. Jointheclub!
Dr. Rice: Thelegislatorsworrythat if the violence goes unchecked, Bangladesh may become a haven for Al-Qaeda
President Bush: There is Al-Qaeda also in, what's the name, Bangla-.ffesh?
Dr. Rice: Al-Qaeda is everywhere, Mr. President
President Bush: Then why can't I find them anywhere?
Dr. Rice: Thelegislatorsworrythat if the trend continues, Bangladesh mayfhilasastate.
President Bush: So what's the big deal? 1 have failed in everything I did all my life, and look. I am a two-term President of the US! Wayto go, what's thenameagain, Bangladesh!
Dr. Rice: The lower courts in
Bangladesh are not independent, the legislators complain.
President Bush: So. what's-his-face, Bangladesh's courts are like ours! Remind me to mention this when I announce Sandra Day O'Connor’s replacement.
Dr. Rice: Transparency international calk Bangladesh a very corrupt country.
President Bush: Make Enron and Halliburton opaque to them! And my reasons for invading Iraq. And the sinking of New Orleans because of the tax breaks for the rich. Who are these legislators, anyway?
Dr. Rice: SenatorTed Kennedy has signed theletter.
■•resident Bush: That liberal fatso from Massachusetts! And you expect me to listen to him? Who else is there?
Dr. Rice: Senator John Kerry.
President Bush: John Kerry, from Massachusetts? The guy who tried to take my job away last year? And you mention him to me! Are you out of your mind, Condi? Let me See the letter (President Bush snatches the letteraway). WhoisBarackObama?
Dr. Rice: He is freshman Senator from Illinois. He is African American.
President Bush: Very funny, Condi! I know for a fact that there is no African American in the Senate! Who eke signed the letter? Colin Powell? Ifhedid.lwUlfirehirn.
Dr. Rice: He resigned. Mr. President.
President Bush: Tell me something Condi. Ifwhatchyouniaycallit,
Bangladesh, is so bad. why didn't you tellmeeariier? I would have invaded ill Whydid the legislators have to tell me first?
Dr. Rice: Ummmmm
President Bush: You are fired, Condi! Just kidding! Tell me more about this Bangladesh. Who is the dictatorofthisevilnation?
Dr. Rice: Bangladesh is actually a democracy, Mr. President.
President Bush: You got to be kidding me! 1 am telling the Arabs, the Muslims and the world that democracy is panacea for every-thingandyouaretellingnielhatthis evil nation, what's the name again, Bangladesh, is a democracy! There goes my theory! Thanks a lot! You haven't answered my question though: who is theguy thatleadsthis Bangladesh?
' Dr. Rice: It’s actually a woman, Mr. President. Bangladeshhasbeen ruled by two democratically-elected womenforthelastfifteenyears.
President Bush: Do you have all your marbles with you, Condi? You mean to tell me that thisevil Bangladesh is actually a democracy that has been run by two democratically elected women for the last fifteen years? I guess the next thingyou are goingto tell me is that Bangladeshis aMuslimnationandthetwowoinen are Muslims
Dr. Rice (very embarrassed, and red-faced): Actually it is a Milslim-majority nationand the two woman leadersareMuslims. Mt President! i
PresidentBush (stunned): Let mg
get this straight. You mean to tell me that this Bangladesh, which I thought was an evil nation is actually a functioning parliamentary democracy which has been run by two women Prime Ministers for the last fifteen years, and we are trying to destroy it by labelingit a terrorist and failed state?
Dr. Rice: Weare notattemptingto destroy Bangladesh Mr. President; although some of our friends in the area maybe.
President Bush: The neocons told me that Muslims and democracy do not go handin hand. Now you are tellingme that Bangladeshis a Muslim nation and a democracy which has been led by two women Prime Ministers for the last fifteen years. Why did the neocons lie to me, Condi?
Dr. Rice: You have to ask Cheney Rumsfeld. Wolfowitz, Feith. Libby, Bolton. Perle, Pipes, Krauthammar Gaffney and Kristol that question, Mr. President.
President Bush: Muslims are supposed to oppress women. How did the two women Prime Ministers come out of their seclusion? Do Bangladeshi girls go to school, Condi?
' Dr. Rice: Unlike neighbouring countries, Mr. President, up to the seventh grade more girk than boys attend school in Bangladesh. School is free in Bangladesh. Mr. President.
PresidentBush: Condi, I like this Bangladesh. It is everything I want to see in a Muslim or any other developing nation. I want to help Bangladesh in every possible way to defeat political and religious violence. I want to make Bangladesha beacon of democracy, moderation, prosperity and women’s empowerment in die kiatnic and the rest of the world. Are you with me on this, Condi?
Dr. Rice: Absolutely Mr. President!
PresidentBush: One more thing, Condi: ask their BangladeshiAmeri-can constituents not to make political contributions to these sixteen legislators and ask the Bangladeshi Americans to vote these sixteen legislators out of office!
Pr. Rice: I will, Mr. President.