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They buy husband for security but dream remains elusive

SULTANA RAHMAN
Runia, a housemaid, earns more than her rickshawpuller husband. Yet, more often than never, the husband comes home late drunk and beats her up. She endures the violence.
"He spends half my salary on alcohol and comes home drunk late at night. I'm too afraid to protest," says the 18-year-old, looking much older than her age.
Why does she endure the torture? What keeps her silent? Runia explains: "True, my husband beats me. But it's still my home and it's better to suffer violence from one man than be left on the streets."
Runia talks about the days when she fell in love with Idris, now her husband. He was kind and loving, showering her with endearments. Little did she know about the cruelty that was in store for her.
Runia says she gave her husband Tk 15,000 in dowry at her wedding five years ago. "I badly needed security as I worked as a maid in different houses a
day. But I could never imagine the same person would one day become so abusive."
"That's not the end of my story. He takes note of every penny of my earnings. He beats me when a part of my salary is deducted for absence when ill," Runia murmurs.
For many unmarried girls working as maids, security is the main concern and is one of the many reasons women tie knots with men that they know are not the best choices. They know it well the men marry them for money; not for love.
So, the maids forego comfort -- and toil to set aside part of their paltry incomes to 'buy' husbands.
Saleha, a 17-year-old maid, lives in a slum in Mohammadpur. She hails impoverished from Noagon, walks to her master's house every morning and back home although she is exhausted from long hours of work.
She earns nearly Tk 1,100 a month and pays Tk 250 in house rent. Occasionally, she has to send money to her parents' back in her home village.
She eats little, walks and holds back
the pleasure of buying a sari or makeup to save some money from her small income. She saves Tk 120 a month with a cooperative society a saving for her dowry.
"I know, my family can't marry me off without dowry," said Saleha, panting from a long walk back home one night. "I'll have to earn the dowry for my marriage. My father is day-worker and he can't afford it."
Saleha says she is not the only one who saves money for her marriage. There are many more like her who set aside part of their hard-earned monthly wages for dowry. Among them is Saleha's neighbour Shukla.
Shukla says she migrated to Dhaka in 2000 when her planned marriage collapsed after her father failed to pay Tk 50,000 in dowry he promised his would-be son-in-law.
"That night I tried to commit suicide, but I couldn't. My father almost went out of his mind. Then neighbours pointed fingers at me. It was my fault! Finally, I fled the village," says Shukla, her eyes swelling with tears.
Still dreaming of marrying and
having a happy family, Shukla says she is now saving her dowry. "I don't know whether my dream will come true. But I need a husband for security."
Defending her willingness to give dowry, she says bitterly: "I do believe girls should not marry those who demand a dowry. But no man will marry you without money. And you can't live alone either."
Maleka Begum, women's rights leader and research fellow on dowry, says that men use dowry as a ladder to climb to affluence. They want money on monthly basis like a salary -- the reason men of lower middle class families have multiple marriages.
She says, women in this male-dominated society cannot survive without marriage. They have to endure various social problems such as lack of security and undesired disturbances by wicked men.
Both Saleha and Shukla say a number of miscreants in slums make them feel constantly insecure. They are haunted by fear and have seen many incidents to substantiate their
fear and anxiety.
A neighbour of theirs -- a young maid -- was recently raped by her master belonging to the so-called 'elite society'. The girl was injured and hospitalised for a week. When newspapers reported the incident, the girl was sacked.
Runia, Saleha and Shukla say attraction for 'virgin girls' in the patriarchal society makes unmarried women insecure.
Shukla says some youths of the slum where she lives have pestered her with indecent proposals and have threatened her with an acid attack. "I feel I should have a husband as soon as possible. No matter how," Shukla says.
Farida Akther of Ubinig, a nongovernmental organisation (NGO), says the demand for dowry has seen a marked rise because these working women have money. They have a better access to small credit offered by NGOs and many women are using the loan as dowry, rather than investing it in business.
Explaining the trend, Farida says
poor women think that it is better to suffer from their husbands than being harassed by miscreants on the streets or in houses by their masters.
"The harassment, sexual abuse and violence are leading the helpless girls to rush into bad marriages. They are desperate and don't mind paying dowry with the money they borrow from NGOs. This is one of the worst aspects of the dowry menace," she said.
"My family and neighbours insist I get married without delay. No-one feels comfortable if the family has a grownup unmarried girl," Saleha said.
Khaleda married a jobless man three years ago giving him a dowry of Tk 22,000. The couple soon was blessed with a son. The husband turned out to be a fraud and disappeared, leaving his wife and son in misery. Khaleda later came to know he had taken another wife.
"Many men like rickshawpullers, vagabonds and day-workers take marriage as a business -- taking dowry. When the wives get pregnant or have one to two babies, husbands leave them for another woman with a dowry,"
Farida Akhter explains the cyclic business of dowry.
"The country has many stringent laws to combat violence against women. Yet, women continue to suffer as dowry has become part of our culture," said Barrister Tania Ameer, a women's rights advocate.
"To deal with the problem, we need to enforce effective laws and ensure quick disposal of such cases," she said echoing the feelings of battered women.
Elina Khan, a lawyer and general secretary of an NGO said that the government should take stringent steps to bring to task such 'floating frauds' and stop this dowrybusiness. This practice not only violates women's rights but also causes health and social hazards, she said.