***She has done so many things wrong, both temporal and spiritual. She tried to be independent and that isn't socially sanctioned. She led a purdah free life -- as far as we can see from evidence from the media -- and she did work which we are not sure is sanctioned by religion. She had no option except to do what she did. In her death, let's be charitable towards Simi. She left us a packet which contained her life. She gave it to us with her own hands.***

SIMI killed herself last week. She killed herself when amongst other things, as many Muslims of Bangladesh or those who are camped outside in more comfortable residences in the western world are going great guns as to whether we are all Islamic enough or not. Whether the Khatib of Baitul Muqarram represents the majority voice of Bangladeshi Muslims or not. Whether wearing Hijab is a matter of choice or not ? Simi had no chance to know about this debate. She had no time to contemplate all these issues that concern the comfortable. She was too busy making a living. Ultimately all she could worry was about her death. On a certain day or night when life became too intolerable to behold and too difficult to breathe through, she ended it. She said she was taking her life. Some may say that we all had a hand in her murder. Some will say she was punished by the hand of God for breaking His rules. Wasn't she guilty of making a living ? By not playing by the rules which society approves, she had to be killed. Conveniently, she agreed to be her own executioner.

* * * *

WHAT about the young men who harassed her?

Death of women who step out of tune with society's band is accepted, even approved by us. For

us, especially the males, a woman is always the greatest threat to sexuality. Fragile male egos can't tolerate the idea of independent women. Sexuality can only be preserved through terms of domination alone, psychologists say. We feel sufficiently male only when we aren't threatened by women who dare question us and the ways we set out for them. Simi had broken some very basic rules and she paid a deadly price for that. She has been taught a lesson. We have won the fight against Simi. We have the right to celebrate.

****

I walked down the muddy lanes of a Bangladeshi village where women who worked for a living lived. We meet Lagejan Bewa who has worked without end for the last thirty years. She isn't the socially acceptable housewife who works as hard as life at home. She is a day labourer. She has no time even to remember if purdah has been observed or not. I ask her that. She looks at me with surprise.

"What is hijab?"

I mention that she doesn't wear a blouse and her thin sari barely covers her body properly. That she moves in the world of men. I go on trying to locate her guilt for having violated our code. She appears overwhelmed by all the words. She takes time to sit down next to mud and dung heaps. Then she breaks down.

" I have sinned, I have sinned. I am too poor to deserve the mercy of God. I had to look after a family, raise my children. Forgive me."

I realize that in her infinite world of icons, demons and saints and devils, I am probably no less than an archangel. My words are capable of terrifying her even if they had been told in half-jest. She doesn't even know that she could have asked me what I had done for her. But she doesn't even know that she can protest. I know I can get away with it all. I leave her weeping on the earth which will accept her only when she dies.

* * * *

SIMI was an artist. She was a painter, she would design homes for the joy of celebrations and weddings. Somewhere along the way, she did something wrong. Her neighbours, her local policemen, the society which by extension exists in her environment as well, all turned against her. Simi had in fact committed many wrongs. Perhaps, she was guilty not just of social crimes but religious crimes as well. The people who demand that women should be in purdah should genuinely be happy that she decided to kill herself because Simi never covered herself from top to bottom in hijab or some other traditional Arab custom which many of us would like to adopt.

She designed alpana for weddings. In such weddings, people sing and young people sometimes

dance. They don't drink or do such other things at all but their behaviour would certainly not meet the approval of the Khatib who through the kind courtesy of the government has become a major approver of public morals. And many of our readers have written that the Khatib represents the views of the majority of the Bangladeshi Muslims. The Khatib should issue a fatwa on the issue now. Should we mourn Simi's death or should we approve it ? Should we consider her actions as an act of repentance for not being properly 'religious' or were they

just the wanton act of an inconsiderate woman who didn't bother about her peers, her neighbours, not even her neighbourhood policemen.

We still don't know all the facts but it's possible that she was criticized for breaking various religious codes. She also did the terrible unthinkable. To finish her work, she stayed out late. She returned home after socially unsanctioned hours. If she was breaking so many rules and laws and customs, it's a wonder that she was allowed to take her life. Perhaps we would have served society more if instead of her, we had done the act ourselves.

* * * *

THE man in Bangladesh is a very interesting one. He is a strict believer in morality. During the

1971 war, a freedom fighter's girl friend was violated by the Pakistan army for having gone out with a Bengali officer. When the war was over and the city liberated, the FF returned back and killed his girl friend, accusing her of ethnic collaboration. She had stayed back as her family left for Pakistan. She was a non-Bengali woman who paid for her relationship with a Bengali. But she had been violated for that and ultimately killed because she had done the unacceptable. She had become a fallen woman.

****

WHAT kind of discussions had taken place in that area when they talked of Simi? Did they see her as a human being, a hard working human being or someone who tried to make a living without accepting the conventional standards set by society ? What kind of men were the men who teased her ? Was her slap the final straw on their male back ? Was her acts too defiant for the bastions which hold society together ?

We probably will never know but all we will know that the next time someone tries to be like Simi another hand, another fist will be raised and Simis will be cut down.

* * * *

I have seen her suicide note. There is a particular part where she can't decide the tense of the word. I am "going" or "I have gone". Her

parents had remonstrated, admonished her. Had she brought shame upon them? In all probability they were right. Her acts had forced her parents to receive a delegation of righteous neighbours and law enforcers who had demanded that she behave according to the accepted code, according to the mindset of the Khatibs who has spoken about shamelessness in society. The Khatib should win if we go by the response in society. As many write with confidence and almost a sense of relief that there is no scope of negotiation, debate or anything else for women on these matters. Large chunks of the holy book are quoted and they say the same. And behind those words, there are the supporters and enforcers. Perhaps, they will not be enforced in 'liberal' homes but encouragement no doubt comes from these homes who demand compliance. And there is no scope for disagreeing. Simi found that in the end.

* * * *

I think I see Simi after death in the domain of the divine. She has done so many things wrong, both temporal and spiritual. She tried to be independent and that isn't socially sanctioned. She led a purdah free life -- as far as we can see from evidence from the media -- and she did work which we are not sure is sanctioned by religion. She had no option except to do what she did. It was a deserving death if we go by the logic of those who are now called abettors of her death.

* * * *

IN her death, let's be charitable towards Simi. After all she gave us all a new year's gift. She left us a packet which contained her life. She gave it to us with her own hands.

Afsan Chowdhury is a Senior Assistant Editor of The Daily Star.