I ten IwZrlbt W worry but you know what mothers are like She firmly believes that anyone without a regular Job eventually starves to death.

‘Consultant? Does that mean that you get a regular salary?" she asks, suspiciously.

Ma, consultants don't get salaries. They get a consultancy fee.

*Is your fee more or less than a regular salary?' she asks, sharply.

I explain to her. patiently, that since I don't get paid a salary, how can 1 compare my consultancy fee with a salary that I don't get. Listen ma, stop worrying. I'm okay. I will survive.

"Your father's always had a regular Job. Why can’t they offer you a regular Job. Just like everyone else?* she insists.

I might explain that in my mother is vocabulary ‘everyone’ means people she amnwes of. Mother approves of everyone who works regular hours, at a regular Job. for a regular Income. She does not approve of people who run the risk of eventually starving to death.

"You've always had a Job. All those years in Dubai. And even when you were studying in Canada.* she reminds me. “So why not here? Why do you have to be a consultant now?*

Consultants are big people, ma. important people. If you call yourself a consultant, you’re telling people that you are doing something important

and serious, something of real consequence, as opix.sed to working at a Job which any old person can do.

*lf that's the case, and consultants are so important, why don't they get paid like other people?* she persists.

I don't know ma. Consultants are different. I guess. Consultants are people who tell you what to do. but never have to do It themselves.

Okay, the whole thing is something of a rip-off, this I admit. Consultants exist everywhere. of course. But here in Bangladesh, the consultancy business is not merely a niche sector in the market, but a market in itself. Consultants thrive in this country because when you are as poor as Bangladesh, you need people to help you become less poor. This makes poverty a kind of business — indeed, it makes it a big business. (This also means that moat people have to remain poor, so that a few people can help them become teas poor.)

If that doesn’t make much sense, ma, don’t worry. Believe me. it all works out beautifully and everyone lives happily ever after. Especially the consultants.

i *So who is poor and who is rich?* she asks. "Arc consultants the poor people or the rich people?*

Ma. consultants are never poor. 1 mean, the very idea Is revolting. How can you ask the Kto suggest how to improve

own lot? Imagine the arrogance.

The poor ordinary person, like the rickshaw-walla for instance. will never be asked if he wants to drive a rickshaw into Motijheel or not. No, a high-powered Task Force will be set up to decide the fate of the ordi-

nary guy who pulls the rickshaw. as well as the fate ol all those who might depend on his Income.

In exactly the same way, the pedestrians who walk the streets of Dhaka will never be asked if they feel a road should be built in their faces. Or if roads should be built at all. Might sidewalka be a better idea? Heaven forbid that anyone should ask pedestrians if we need sidewalks In the city. Or zebra crossings. Or traffic lights. Or overhead bridges.

Likewise, the sweepers who sweep the muck aS the streets of

our city will never be asked what is wrong with our garbage collection and disposal system. Why we end up with clogged drains and polluted dump heaps and rotting mounds of organic and inorganic waste, all mixed up together.

The principle is simple: Why waste time asking ordinary people how they feel about their own ordinary fives?

No. the way the poverty

business works is by involving lots <4 "experts', also' known as 'consultants'. These people are usually very intelligeni people who spend their lives giving advice, They know how lo hold seminars,' lots and lots of seminars, In which they make sure that lots of important people, including other 'consultants' present lots and lots of papers. Then, just to make sure that no one thinks all they do is yap, they also hold workshops in which they ensure that what they have yapped about in their seminars has been ■disseminated' among people

who have not been yapping in the seminars. Naturally, everyone gets a nice fee for making all these things happep, not least of which is the fee which is given to the consultants who are consulted at various stages of the busineas.

*So consultants can be paid well even if they are not paid regularly. Uke business people?* mother interjects. (I tell you, this lady I call ma is one sharp cookie.)

well ma, consultants are like business people in the sense that they work on pro-tects. They don't necessarily lave regular Jobs, complete with allowances, retirement benefits and security of tenure -tike bureaucrats, for instance.

But consultants are not really business people either, ma. Consultants don’t ever risk their own money, business people often do. Indeed, consultants take very few risks- Consultants collect their fee. even if the project doesn't work. You see. the poverty business is such that it is very difficult to know when a project works - or doesn't work.

*So consultants are okay then. They take no risks, and get paid weB. Very well?"

You've just about summed it up. ma. 0 told you. she's sharp.)

"You don't want me to speak to someone about giving you a

nice fob, then?*" site conffnoai. smiling broadly with relief.

No. ma. please don't. I*w M-ways worked at these really ordinary Jobs. I've been a reporter, a sub editor, a news writer, a news anchor, an associate producer, a managing editor. a features editor, an editorial writer. And also, briefly, a teacher, secretary, library assistant. telephone operator. Tve worked in the media most of my life.

For me. coming home and discovering the limitless world of the cushy consultant in Bangladesh has been like entering Paradise.

And why not. Nothing wrong with a spot of consulting to establish yourself as an important person in Bangladesh. And in the proceaa. earn a tidy Uttte consultancy fee,. as well. lH*fi7^.7Lkno-Ih».of course, (and I won’t tell her if you don't) but you know what they say. don’t you. They say that consultants have a unique role model. They say that the world's very first consultant found its calling in Paradise, aka the Garden of Eden, where Life began.

No. the world's first consultant wasn't a man. She wasn't a woman. Remember that slithery slimy thing with the langs which draped itself around a tree and said if you want my ad-

rest ia history.