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fiction

The Fall

by Abdul Mannan Syed, Translated by Pabitra Sarkar and Clinton B. Seely
Continued from the last week THE RICKSHAW CAME TO A HALT AT the park gate, and he sullenly got down. He paid the fare and then entered the park in an unhurried manner. The late afternoon crowd had by then faded away, but a few people were scattered around here ana there enjoying the open summer evening air. some sitting, some strolling about. A large family was sitting in a circle, talking. A group of young couples — what lousy Tuck he himself had had, life had been so barren for him — where had they been hiding so long, these young lovers? Another group of young people passed by him — waves of light and laughter and happy coolngs coming from them. "That fellow in the group. Ive seen him somewhere. Sure I have, but no, I can’t recall where, it escapes me completely. I’ve been- In Dacca so long, was he a school-mate? Did I run Into him on the street one time, or was it in New Market, or maybe somewhere else? ft could have been almost anywhere. The face seems so familiar, but still I cannot attach a proper name to it. don't know where he fives, what does he do. The face is so very familiar, yet everything else lies hidden somewhere deep down, why is it that way?" An^sq. musing, he spreak his nandkerenfer on the almost black lawn by the side of the man-made lake. Not too many people Were around, nor were there many lights shining, only a peanut-vendor made his habitual rounds in the half-light. He was unmindful of everything. He'll have to leave behind all this loving blue light that now surrounds him and venture to some nameless beyond devoid of pleasure, the deep, sonorous bell of which was now tolling in his consciousness; who are they who holding onto the roots of blooa continuously call the child cast away Into the winds? What extrasensory Image of sorrow manifests itself, it is his hundred fold agony echoing throughout the universe, his and only nls, since everybody else, all men wrapped in all this loving blue light, bound in pleasure and pain but. alas, they don’t know it, don’t know that life is greater than all pleasure, life is greater than al) pain. Years of life are awaiting them, with their myriad pleasures and pains, he was jealous even of their pains, since all pains were only joys. Intensely felt: they are fools, a herd of donkeys, these people become upset by the paltriest of sorrows without understanding what that really means, yet it s better to be a five Jackass than a dead raja, they have years of life left to fritter away. He alone was spent up, so soon, a life exhausted in an instant. Then suddenly a giggle pinched awake his senses, and he turned his head. It was a girl. Even in this half light she had taken care to put on heavy makeup. a strong scent, emanating from her
body, almost punched him in the face. With all that glitter she had the appear ance of a main street store. Can I sit here?" — her voice sounded like the chirping of a bird. and. without waiting for his permission, she sat down close to him. Should he give his consent: he felt a dryness in his throat. At a distance he got a glimpse of a male figure turning away and blending Into the darkness. Were they watching me ali the time while I was lost In thought? Do they happen to know that ray world is slowly slipping away from under my feet. "Looks like you've something on your mind. I can make you forget all of that, for a couple of hours at least.'' glg-Sed the girl He was shivering inside.
S throat dry like that of a bird. Finally he thought: "What is there to be scared of? I fear nobody now." He. the wise, solemn college lecturer, could have said, "No. miss, whatever seductive charms you might have at your command, they are simply no match for my worries, you cannot make me forget them," but he said nothing, for In fact ne was feeling rather nervy. The girl was very close and he could almost feel the warmth of her breath; she said. "You look lonesome. Want to go home?” Now he stumbled on his first word: "No." The girl burst out in a giggle again and left him wondering if he had Just said anything particularty amusing. She said, "Then you must come to my place." ft didn't take him long to find what the girl did for a living and he was thankful for that. Still bls neat went on beating faster and faster, for this was the first time he'd met such a girl, he asked her. "Where do you HveT The girl again burst into giggles to hear him address her with the respectful "you" and told him to switch to the more familiar form of address. He was feeling rather relaxed by now since the girl had a way with words, maybe even from a good family, so he smiled, "Well, you didn't tell me where you five." The girl smiled in response and replied. "I live near Sadarghat. Want to come right away?" She herself was still using the respectful "you," but he didn't fed like asking her why. so he Just said, "No. let's take a jftroll first, for a couple pt/qlnuLcs., TtTct got up ana came out of the mist and darkness, holding hands. The summer night had meanwhile granted a breeze, one that was sweet, sad, charming, weightless, nostalgic The park was almost deserted. They ambled around on the paved park roads, talking. He plucked flowers while nobody was look ing and planted a flower in her hair, which shined like a moon on her hair, dark as night. "Let it happen now, let someone 1 know run into us now. anyone. maybe the girl at the university who I was crazy for but who didn t care for me and who married a guy before she was out of school - why len t she here now. why ooearn she come to see what T
am doing? This would drive the point home into her that 1 too could love some-body.' He was full of such wishes. After quite a while, when he still had met nobody familiar, he became almost dejected. Finally the girl's coaxing made him leave the park. At the gate he looked at his watch out of the comer of his eye. It was about ten o'clock.
They hired an auto-rickshaw and told the driver to head toward Sadarghat. He noticed a sly little hair-thin smile arise and then vanish on the driver's face. "He knows everything, the bastard. How come that all of them know everything?" The rickshaw was bouncing and lurching as it moved along and the girl's body kept hitting against his body, which may nave been deliberate on her part, and once, when they took a sudden turn, she was almost tn his lap. He rather enjoyed that; he was tasting a kind of strange, unfamiliar excitement in all that pretended childishness, tn that expanding and contracting of the girl s glistening, bare belly and in the movement of her arms, this was the first time in his life, after all, that he sat so close to an unrelated girl. They got down at the Sadarghat inter section and started walking, side by side — a lot of people were casting glances at them and he felt quite good about that. And though it was late in the evening, there were quite a few fellows wearing sunglasses, handkerchiefs tied around their necks, gold watch bands, and they gave him that understanding smile. He suddenly became very nervous: "Have they found out too? Do all of them know this girl? Damn it. 1 will be ruined if someone I know finds me here." He walked along, rather uneasy now; they went through a seemingly endless course, and finally, turning at a comer, approached a still, ancient, one
storied budding. This Is where we live, cooed the girl with a pull at his sleeve. There was a wide verandah in front, and at one end, sitting in a circle, were three burly men and a scarlet-lipped, scantily-dressed middle-aged woman playing cards. At the sound of footsteps, they looked up with lazy remote gazes and then turned their eyes away the next moment. Only one of them mumbled something to himself, like some faint, distant star, hardly audible even to his own ears. Someone else Inside the room sensed their approach and came out — a tall man, 'Who is it? Is that you, Firoza?" 'Yes”, the girl replied. "There is a man with me." The person gave him a brief look and went inside without saying a word. "Come along." said the girl and took him to another room, closed the door and latched it. At one comer of the room there was a niche in which a lantern was faintly burning; she turned up the wick and the light became brighter. He now saw that there was a fairly big bed under which were kept a few rusty tin suitcases and other junk. A few pillows were scattered here and there on the bed. He sat down, his feet dangling over the edge of the bed. "So you're Firoza". The girl nodded, and then, out of politeness. 'What is your name, please/ He lied, saying his name was Kalim. and asked. 'WelL who was that man there?" To himself he said. "I ve lied about my name, maybe the girl Is a liar too. Who knows if her name is really Firoza." The girl giggled again for no apparent reason ana said, inat was my father." He was somewhat surprised but said nothing. Firoza added, "If anyone from the police comes. I'm sure none will, but just in case someone does, tell them I'm your sister, will you?” He grinned and nodded assent, but didn't ask anything further. He was sitting on
the bed, a bit cramped with his legs hanging over the edge; Firoza was on a chair, at a distance. Then she smiled as she got up, "Will the lantern stay on? He felt his throat clogged but finally managed to articulate. What s the harm? Firoza mentioned a figure in a rather playful, unbusiness like manner, smiled and remonstratlngly said "Wen t take less. 1 tell you. He had all the time been thinking of the fee. even was slightly apprehensive about it. "Who knows what she is going to charge, doesn't she have some hoodlums to share the booty with?' He now became rather relieved and agreed, smiling. After this Firoza did not tarry but took off her clothes and in just a minute she stood there, without a stitch on her. This was the first time he had looked at a nude female body, he was agog with curiosity and excitement, felt a lump in his throat, looked at Firoza and then bent his head the next instant, unable to raise his eves again Firoza smirked and uuaxingh said "What, are you a Jeu bride SflM.hft.r- He «•» emtar rasp'd, hurriedly got up from the bed, wrn' to the lantern and turned it down, then r.une back and sat down again. A lew more silent minutes ticked away on his watch. Firoza. slightly annoyed, asked. "What's the matter, don t you know anything?" He replied with an awkward whisper. "1 don’t, as a matter of fact. Tell me about." This was another lie. though. He knew well enough but just wanted to utter and hear those nasty words. He’d heard his class-mates use such words, write graffiti on the walls, the blackboard. He has secreUy relished them but never dared to utter them himself tn front of others, even among his friends. When he was grow, ing up. lying there in bed he'd played with sucn words, rolling them around on his tongue, as If they were Uny balls. In the darkness Firoza burst out in laughter, as a fountain bursts forth in a sudden spurt, and then brought her mouth close to his ear and in detail, using earthy frank language started whispering the secrets of the art of love. She herself kept on giggling time and again, and he even asked one or two quesUons Just to use a couple of dirty words himself; Firoza was replying, her soft, fair legs clutching one of his own...
After he paid her and was about to leave, he asked, "By the way, do you drink?" "Not usually. Firoza replied, only once in a while, if someone really presses me; but why?" He did not say anything tn reply and asked instead. There must be a Uquour store somewhere around, where is it?" "Right over there, just at the corner as you enter this lane. Didn’t you notice it when we came? You can buy it there, but if I were you, I wouldn t go near the place. You better head straight home." But he didn l pay any attention to what she said and smiling. blurted out a "Goodbye. Firoza
invited him to come back again and as he stepped out. he gave a curt, "Sure."
ft was half past eleven. The twisted
translucent darkness hung around; only one square window in a distant three-storied house had light coming from it. He felt a titillating fear as he walked, a fear that was vague and Ul-defined in this cool breeze. And in that light he felt a calm, sweet luminescence In his heart. From a groundfloor room on one side of the road came snatches from a thick-voiced song: There she goes, stabbing all and sundry with her eyes." And accompanying It came the sharp beats of a tabla and the jingling of dancing anklets. He. rather apprehensive. tip-toed past this area. After a few more steps he reached the corner and . found that restaurant Firoza spoke oi. under the stained light of a streetlamp. Inside a few drunks were seated on a bench, speaking tn fuzzy, confused voices; as he approached, one of them stretched out both arms and threw out a broken, muffled invitation, "Good evening. Babushaheb." For a moment his head whirled, a little dizzy, but then he was back in full control of his senses and went straight in hurriedly and sat down. Very soon after, a fair-completed but ugly girl came out from the back room and sat at his table opposite him. There was a forced, strange, terrifying smile on her lips. Then he looked at the stuff they brought to him in a dirty vessel. closed his eyes and gulped the whole thing down. All of a sudden lighting lashed through out his senses, a thousand bells clanged throughout his whole body. He had a few more pegs, bit by bit his body became drowsy and numb. From within that haze It seemed to him that the girl was clinging to his body, and he had laid his head, a head that had at once the weight of a rock and the lightness of a balloon, on the terrible lap of the girl; his body was lying on the floor; a feminine hand seemed to be ■lowly taking off the dumb and unseeing watch from his rickety wrist and exploring his pockets, taking out whak
, ever he had on him. Then he, lying flat in his own spew, arms and legs spread out. muttering those obscenities that are associated with definite parts of the bodies of Firoza, of Firdausi Begam. of i the maid; those vulgar words which he d picked up from his school mates but r had never uttered aloud himself. There - he was lying there prostrate in that spew, talking to himself, with careful, measured accents, "I take a vow. right r here: I have had a crazy sort of a life on
this earth. I shall not waste another moment of it. And. so, in this precise manner, for the year or so I’m left with. 1 shall attempt to fritter away all this false, erroneous mass of respectability accrued and compiled over all the^ many years."