MARRIAGE tn Bangladesh is very much like 1 putuler khela" or a game with dolls. It is manipulated by a few adults and the result of their desires which are dumped onto an innocent (and sometimes unwanting) pair In most of these marriages the couples have very little to say and in almost all, the bride nas nothing to say at all Arranged marriages are traditional tn our society and it actually has a large number of positive advantages. However. this system has been misused, or rather, abused for so long that its present remaining form is mostly a mockery of the entire process. This is not to say.that all marriages that are arranged go like this, but it is sad that in many cases the groom may get to have quite a lot to say about his choices and preferences but the bride none.
The process of choosing a bride for a prospective groom in our country is a very lengthy one and in almost all cases, it is difficult to find a "couple" suited in every way. The requirements of a "bride" are lengthy and detailed and as much as her physical beauty is vital, a very recent trend is the age of the bride. Every man seems to be looking for a very young bride — preferably between 17 to 19.
In the old days', women
were given hardly any rights and so an early marriage was very much accepted by all. We pride ourselves very much as to our development in recent times and advertise it far and wide in bold letters. But have we really come very far in terms of emancipation. We had pur grandmothers who used to be married at fourteen or fifteen and now after all our 'progress' our girls are being married off at sixteen or seventeen. So much for all our pride.
Early marriages are extremely common in rural areas. especially the poor who cannot afford anything and they think that an early marriage is "good riddance" of their burden — the daughter who has to be married while she is still in her prime. Nowadays, however, early marriages. for girls that is. is very, popular among the "noveau ricne.” In most families where money is more prominent than education, its a must that daughters have to be married before they are twenty at the most. Early marriages are especially popular among the "upper crust" families who hail from a Urdu/Hlndi background. i-e. parts of India or Pakistan. Daughters in these communities are brought up with nothing more than thfe knowledge that they have to be married soon, their very exis
fence seems to bp for this purpose. Such girls consider (as they have been taught to think) that a High School degree as SSC or CFLeveis is ' high ambition" for they end up in the matrimonial knot by the time they reach class nine
or ten. at the rriost. Its sad to see that this kind of a medieval' approach is itself being caught up in full swing in almost all of our upper class communities.
What docs a girl gain by an early marriage? They are cer-
tainly taken over by the glamour. qlitz and romance sur-, rounding a marriage and easily give their consent, little do they understand what they are getting into. Families prefer a young bride chiefly because it Is easy to make her adapt to. their own families. In such ' cases, the new bride can easily .be "moulded" Into the kind of personality that their husband or in-laws wish. A young girl has very few Ideas of her own and even if she does, certainly has no^ voice to state them . with. She is easily trapped into a family life by bearing a child soon ofter her marriage and then, her life has no real meaning other than to sit back and bring up the young ones, again guided by others.
It is very unfortunate, that young girls don't have a complete childhood or youth, nor a college/unlversity life with friends. Instead they are cruelly launched into a very adult world where their chief duty is to look nice (and pleased) and entertain, and nothing more.
A girl at her young age finds ft difficult to cope, gets no importance from anyone and .ends up with a life which though may be materialistically not so bad, quite emotionally unfullfllling. Being less educated and much much younger than her husband, the young wife, finds it difficult to grow up a real emotional attachment to her "groom" and Is very often left down in a terrible world of which she understands very little. The initial glamour and charm of parties, new clothes and jewellery lose their glitter all too soon and very swiftly she is hailed into a life restricted by a thousand "do's and don'ts and requirements. She has ven' few friends to share her feelings with. She finds herself left In a world where she (being out of touch with so much of this fast-moving world) realises that everyone, Including • her own family are like strangers
to her. Dissatisfaction, a feeling of unworthiness and an overall coating of negligence pushes her into a darker corner.
As she struggles to regain some of her lost life, she invariably ends up as a decorative head of "womens rights'1 boa-rd(or other similar charities) or ends up with the booze if all falls. It is therefore, not a very surprising result that In such . marriages divorces at a late age. extra marital affairs and endless bounds of unfaithfulness is very commbn. It is sad to see that again a parallel can be drawn between these unfortunate Ilves of the very poor and those of the affluent.
One should not jump into the conclusion that the husband gets away with it all. Marriage to a very young bride may fullfill some of his wishes but it is inevitable that he too may end up in a very similar situation. with a wife who Is not compatible, he too loses interest and moves away. The only advantage for men in such ma-naiges is that they make their own choices and remain "master of the game" all throughout.
Very early marriage of women is a very unfortunate social disease. It should have been eliminated a long long time' ago. But alasl time doesn’t seem to have done a lot for us women. Marriage is not a childs play and therefore shouldn't be treated as such. Every young woman should be given a chance to understand what life Is all about before decisions concerning It are imposed on her. Early marriage robs many girls of their health. How many get the love and affection they need for the harder stages of life they go through such as the difficult Stages of motherhood? Forcing her into something she understands nothing of. certainly does not show respect for her as a human being. Yet this terrible violation of human rights is going on in our society ev-