The season of marriages, in Bangladesh Is almost over. Bridegrooms like migratory birds flew from their working places, chose their brides and left again, some of them could take their brides, some left behind, in the hope to be Joined by them In the near future.

It is really interesting to see how parents In Bangladesh like to get their daughters marrlea to the boys who live outside the country. Most of the time thy don't get enough time to enquire about their would be son-in-law's whereabouts thoroughly or to get acquainted with the person whom their daughters are getting married to and will be living the rest of their lives. Perhaps nobody would believe if 1 tell that recently while attending a marriage reception. I asked the brides mother the name of the bridegroom and the mother looking embarrassed brought out a piece of paper from her hand bag which contained the printed biodata of her son-in-law. She could not remember the name. But she explained proudly that one of her relatives has arranged the marriage and the boy Is doing his PhD in an American University.

It really surprises me how a boy who lives years after years In the USA or In England having acquainted with their system of marriace or accustomed to see the custom of premarital dates of boys ana girls, agree to marry someone whom he has not met before not to say about mixing. I have seen some prospective bridegrooms along with their relatives se lecting their brides from the girls whom he has been meeting one by one.

I know a mother who got the idea that their daughter had been selected by the boy's family until she heard that the boy has been already married to a girl whose father is someone big In the society Sometimes the girl's l>eauty or fair complexion, sometimes father s money. Job and influence become the criteria of selecting the brides It is not to be considered whether the boy and the girl are suit able for each other, whether they have the same likings and dislikings same ideas about living.

This idea of instant mar aes does not bother any y because everybody takes it for granted that the girls would manage whatever gaps in ages exist between them or differences In opinion may occur between them Re

sponsibilities lie with the girls to make their marriage successful.

Most of the girls become intoxicated with the idea of living outside Bangladesh, specially in the USA or Europe. They do not appear to bother much aboui the boy or the future of their married life. The boy and the girl thoroughly enjoy the functions involving the marriage ceremony like engagement. halud. marriage and reception. It is surprising to see that nobody wants to make it simple and short even to save time or money. Serving the same type of food for the same group of people whom the couple concerned hardly know or would meet in future. although meaningless. Is the main feature in a marriage ceremony. However difficult it is to get a place to hold the function or to invite all the relatives (near and distant) and friends in such a short period of time it is to be done.

Nobody can give me a clue why people even little known to the boy and girl will have to be invited who would come to the dinner (bad for health) with a gift which will be hardly of any use to them. I have heard that in Indonesia parents write in the invitation card not to bring any gifts other than cash money. The guests put the money in a box kept for the purpose and sign in a book wishing the couple a successful married life. A very good and practical custom. I would say.

But could we do It ever In Bangladesh? Here people are not very practical In their customs and tradition Nobody wants to take the initiative of changing the pattern of their lifestyles to even for betterment. In 1987 I wrote a letter in a newspaper asking people not to give useless gifts but cash money to the newly-married couples which could at least help them buy ing necessary things to start their newly-married life The Asm Week reprinted the let ter next week But 1 am sorry to say that it has not got any effect on the minds of our people None ot us have so far Sven any thought about It ost of us give useless gifts and avoided giving cash money to any of the hundreds of couples whose mat riage ceremony we attended and had dinner

This year I mvselt bought six carpets at a time to give as marriage gifts Why I couk1 not save the monev instead. I cannot give anv explanation to that I