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Art Buchwald's COLUMN

Surfing
WHEN people ask me what I do for fun, I reply, "I surf" I surf, not in the ocean, but with a television clicker. TV surfing is now getting more popular than golf and is much cheaper.
You can surf from a chair or from a rug, or from just about anywhere, as long as you point the clicker in the right direction I ride the airwaves from Channel 2 to Channel 83, and I never know what's coming up next.
The other night I clicked on to see a beautiful girl with long legs in leather pants kicking the hell out of a greasy thug She clipped him in the jaw with her fist and then knocked his teeth out with a karate chop.
It turned out that she was a former prosecutor from Toledo, Ohio, commenting on the OJ Simpson trial.
It was television as we nave come to know it.
I clicked again and my eyes boggled. It was OJ Simpson running for a 90-yard touchdown during a Buffalo Bills game
My son called me from upstairs, "Dad, turn to Channel 45. O J is selling Charistie Brinkley a salve for arthritis?
I have him running for a touchdown on Channel 3 "
I clicked again The screen was filled with the sight of OJ doing exercises on a video selling for $19.95. I called my son "What have you got?"
I ve got OJ in handcuffs and now they're showing the DNA that the police collected at the crime scene "
Tve seen that already. I'm surfing toward the upper channels now " I clicked again and yelled, " I've got a boat load of jurors who were kicked out of the trial for signing contracts tor books, as well as a tour of Marcia Clark's hairdressers'
"Dad. Kato's on Perry Mason' on Channel 75."
I clicked to 75 but was too late. All I saw were the credits saying, Kato's clothes have been provided by Brooks Borthers and his hair was styled by Vidal Sassoon "
1 cussed myself and clicked I only saw six L A police SWAT members crashing into a house and making everyone lie on their stomachs while they were read their rights.
My son came in loud and clear "Dad, they're selling footballs autographed by Of on the shopping channel "
Thanks but I'd rather find the cooking show that O| was on before he was arrested "
"Did you know that they have wrestling now featuring an OJ look alike -”'
No, I didn t, but I understand that one of OJ s lawvers is going to enter a horse in the Belmont Stakes and cal) him Taster Than Hertz
"Dad. are you watching public television"
"Should I De"
Masterpiece Theatre is going to air a series on ludge Ito's life '
A arrangement with L<>' Angeles Time* Ssnduare ami USB