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Nurturing the Treasured Offspring

by Fayza Haq
A child is what one leaves behind him/her. as a mark of his/her existeme in this world. This, bi course, does not apply to some creative individuals like Van tlogh.Mich.>elangelo« Charlotte Bronte and Jane Austin. 01 Virginia Wool! . who might have had to leave liehlnd little else but their creative pieces to remember them by. there might have not been caring parents such as in the case of Hemingway or Picasso, whose children have established their own reputations, even perhaps without parental nurturing. In the same manner, one might argue that Socrates. Plato and Aristotle might have been satisfied with their disciples — and craved for perhaps — in leaving behind little else but l heir philosophies and theories lor the world to marvel at. Most individuals, no matter how talented, successful or financially secure, crave and treasure a child, no matter of what gender
It Is thus vital to safeguard the interest of the child from ■lie outset. Even the monkeys, whales, crocodiles, frogs, cockroaches, white ants, and what have you. protect their young ones Jealously, until they are ok! enough to take care of themselves. In the same mantier even the plant, world has ways and means to pollinate and ensure the survival of its reproductions. Human beings, mpre intelligent, ahd being better equipped to face the word have their innate desire and unquestionable ability to groom their offsprings. This is even when they have no prtn-\ epeceas or dauphins. The child deserves care. love, protection and understanding irom the time it Is born till he/she is an adult, who can ■ nd for himscll/herself in this
E'en stage whether it be i c <>| i'ii Kiddler in dafpers. <>r the sensitive adolescent tires constants nour
ishing. guidance and surveillance. Parents, whether they be real or faster odes mye the child the lime, putiviK e fi
nanciar backing and moral guidance. Quarrelling or separated parents have been known to conic together just
for the upbringing of the child in a normal way No doubt, other members of the extended family, such as grandparents. uncles, aunts, and even close friends, and acquaintances. have also been known to play a key role In the child's behavioral palters and achievements.
As a parent, one must evaluate one s own dreams and ambitions. If one has aspired one self to be a writer or ballet dancer, one in Inclined to veer the child In that direr tion. Parents have been known to want their sons to be doctors. engineers, lawyers or bankers If the child Is In dined to go In some other di rectlon and wishes to study marine biology instead of. say. architecture, as the flpal goal, the parent should not cramp the style. It Is like tying a child's left hand behind. Just because he or she • Is lefthanded. as in the case of Meggy In "The Thornbirds" The child should be shown the normal path, no doubt but it should be loved and protected as was the case of Magle Tulliver by her father, when she ran away with the Gypsies in "The Mill on the Floss".
The child, no matter how different, difficult or even handicapped, deserves sympathy and understanding as has been witnessed in the repeated shows of the film "The Miracle Worker." based on the life of Helen Keller. So too. at one time, the darling of the once "empire on which the. sun never sets” was sent to Australia to develop more confidence and physical hardihood. It is no wonder that Philip of Macedonia, according to historical records, took such pairs over his son Alexander, who extended his empire to the Indian subconti-
nent.
Child rearing and grooming are not limited to the* metropolises or cities only. Even in the remote villages of Papua New Guinea: in the coral islands of Maldives: in the dense forests of Peru, or even among the warring Sahara population, the child Is guarded Jealously and provided the best of facilities and amenities, according to the parents abilities and circumstances. The child does not necessarily have to be a talented one. born with a silver spoon in Its mouth, as In the case of. say. Dr Zhivago, in Boris Pasternak s Nobel prize winning novel.
Should one be secretly disappointed in the child's report cards: help should be provided in the form of self-tutoring by the parent; or guidance by caring and capable aunts, uncles, friends, or even grandparents. If the budget permits, numerous tutors have been known to have been kept by even a single separated mother, she sold her Inheritance, and even her treasured diamond nose-pin in the once far-flung district area of Comilla. in Bangladesh. Similarly, a young widow, with her two children, does her nine-to-five Job and then caters to her children's needs, far Into the midnight and beyond. One does not have to go far to find this admirable mother, as she can be easily located in one of the bureaux in Motljheel. Dhaka. In the same manner, a young father of two children has been known to work in two far-flung offices in' Rajshahl. simply to bring home the bread and butter. It not the jam. This has been done at tremendous health risk, and job hazards as moonlighting is usually not permitted in most offices in any reputable office
in the world. His works, that he excels in. causes undesirable radiations that harm his eyes, nose and lungs. Men. with ^run away wives, with growing children, have been known to caste off their gallivanting. once they are told that their children are going awry.
This has been known to take place In cases In Pabna (Bangladesh), and not just In western news reports soap operas. or pirated cassettes, found In many video shops of Dhaka.
Constant criticisms can be overwhelming. Adolescent, in the cities of both the east and west are known to have run away, to have a respite, and H change of environment. One has known many adolescent children and individuals In their early twenties to do that, giving different stories for their strange behaviour to their close friends. They have to be soothed and coddled till normal sense comes back to them. This might require the aid- of a common friend but tracking down this "guardian angel" might not be an easy task.
Parents have to be allies, and If necessary, comrades in arms with their children.
Wlien the child comes home to Its parents or parent figure, no matter at any age the mother/father has to patiently listen to the confidences.
He/she must analyse the situa tion. no matt.er how grave or complex, by hints and moods of the confiding person — who may happen to be the friend of the person caught In a maze of a prexpllng situation. Parents have to be sharp-witted and sympathetic and lend a patient ear to any difficult situation.
They must gather thetr wits about them and provide remedies for anything, that may extend from honietasks to possible intermittent matrimonial misunderstandings.
Parents must build up the confidence of the child whether he/she falls off the trycicle: or scores a "duck" at cricket at college: or fails to beat the rest of the "whizz kids" at a work place. They must not harangue, argue, con stantly find faults with the child — no matters of what age or gender. A person in Chittagong is confused, she laments, because her parents tend to hassle her Into an early marriage. "I would rather do my further studies overseas,
than accept the hand of the first available parental choice." she says Another young man. at Pabna. gets into fits ol anger because his mother fails to always appreciate his cultural activities such as dramatics and recitation. She would rather that her son took up a steady job or continue with his studies There are jarring temper tantrums as a consequence with my mother.' the eon confides.
Yes. the parent must discipline the child, when he/she bullies his/her class-mates: or spends time In writing billet dour mstead of studying for the medical examination; or even when he/she gossips and has marathon telephone conversations. while working at the office. — if and when this is detected and talked about by caring friend, "My mother is so strict about matters such as coming home in time from the college. She cross-examines me. when I get back home, and this often upsets me. She even spanks me with a hairbrush. and fails to realise that I am no longer a baby, who has to be constantly corrected,* wails a teen-ager to her confidantes.
Our protection can also be harmful, even though the parent may feel that he/she must naturally keep a sharp eye‘on the child. If the parent does not let the child mix with friends of its same age group, this may eventually cramp the child's style and eventually lead to him/her Into being an introvert. As a consequence, problems may ensue in the adult stage. One has known cases of ensuing questionable matrimonial harmony, both In Bangladesh and overseas.
The role of being an adequate parent is thus a difficult one. Yei with patience, and trust of the extended family and friends, this may be performed with satisfaction.