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Dhaka Day by Day

The Mistri Syndrome

by S Bari
They had done it : after 15 years of saving every taka and searching high and low, they'd found their ideal house It consisted of two bedrooms, a silting room, and a closet that the advertisement had euphemistically termed "a kitchen". There was even a garden large enough to stand in with both (eel.
It was lime to repaint, scrub, and generally do all they could to pretend this was actually a house that had passed the City Corporation lest and not the brainchild of a vengeful engineering student who had flunked his finals.
For this mission, the expertise of that spe ciallst was called for : the mistri. Accordingly, two head mistris were appointed. One would strip the walls of that subtle shade of time green so dear to the Bengali home decorator and repaint them a colour that did not cause young children to have nightmares.
The other would re-work the plumbing Innards of the house. Jhich at present were Gred so that in order to take a shower in the hroom down the hall you had to turn on the tap In the kitchen sink.
The two mlstrts. however, soon need three assistants each: one lo do the work while the boss gave orders, one lo hand him the tools, and one to lake tea breaks. As things slowly progressed, the third assistant drunk so much tea the homeowner contemplated moving to Sylhet to cut costs.
The painter had given an estimate. An advance was handed over As the days turned to weeks and the lime green stayed on the walls, more advances were paid. One day the owner sat down and added ft all up and found that the equivalent of the defence budget had been paid out in advances.
He discovered the mistri on the verandah, scratching his head and gazing contentedly at the 4-foot square area that had so far been honoured with paint. He shook his head
mournfully al the mention of such large sums of money.
The 120 taka extra were for paintbrushes No. he did not have any brushes of hts own. Every time he painted a house, he bought brand new brushes. Over hts 15 years as a mlstrt, he had surely accumulated an absolute Louvre of paint brushes.
The 500 taka was because of the cement. So what if the house already had wails? They had knocked out a little bit. Just a tiny bit. In their enthusiasm for removing the paint.
So It went on. Taka 120 for the turpentine. 500 for brick. 240 for coming to work on a rainy day. 35 taka for even showing up. AU this made the employer wonder what the estimate had covered. Oh. that was for the privilege of hiring them.
The mistri is no amateur. He has a code of ethics. The second article of this code is : never reveal where the money goes. The first article is : be absent when looked for and present when unwanted.
The first part of this article guaranteed that when the bathtub faucet spontaneously started gushing like a rig that has struck oil. the water mlstrt boss was away visiting his in-laws tn Barisal. The assistant had never laid eyes on a water faucet before.
Conversely, the second part of the article explained why mistris could pop out of the woodwork whenever the family least wanted them.
If the bell rang at 6.30 am on a Friday morning, ft was the mistri asking for 30 taka that he needed urgently. This was the same man who thought sunrise on a workday morning meant 10.30.
The third article of the code states that: no matter what you do. the employer will always need you. Two days after the house was completed. the electric line went out.