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WRITE TO MITA
Dear Mtta.
I am Intrigued by a tetter from 'Anonymous', and your response to the same In your Issue of the 28th instant.
I am deeply moved and in full.sympathy with the plight of the lady whose husband is 'running around'. I can fully un derstand how distressed the lady must be. and the attendant humiliation she faces socially, emanating from her husband's wanderings.
However. 1 am somewhat taken aback at your casual approach to this problems tn suggesting that the lady leave her husband as he will 'never change'. Such an attitude does not lend any solution to the problem but only result In a miserable broken family for the lady and her grown-up children.
The whole point of this letter is to request you to think twice before making sweeping statements like ‘He will never change', and 'Leave him'. As an advice columnist you must consider the anguish of all concerned when a marriage of one with children Is broken.
Is is not better to help the heart broken to work out ways to promoting a blissful married l(fe. rather than assume the role of Judge. Jury and executioner and break up which God has put together?
A S R Huq, New Eskaton. Dhaka.
Dear Huq,
Thank you for your tetter. 1 could only print a part of the tetter as it was too long. If you have been reading my column regularly you must have noticed how much I am against dras tic decisions which might break up a marriage. In the above case don't you think the lady must have already tried to keep the marriage together'? What else has she been tolerating all this humiliation for? And as for children? Often they are better off In a secure, separated family than in a tense family situation where the mother is constantly being humiliated. 1 am certainly not advocating breaking or leaving home at the slightest pretext, on the contrary, every effort should be made to keep the family together — but this responsibility has to be shared by both the partners.
Dear Mita.
Two years ago my eldest daughter married out of her choice and without our consent. We knew tt would not work and U hasn'L She left her husband few months ago and now lives with us. Recently, her husband has started coming to the house and she meets him. Both me and my husband dislike this as we want her to divorce him and start a new life. My daughter says she wants to give it another try. I don't know what to do. He is not good enough for her and his family is even worse. Please advise how can I stop my daughter.
Anonymous, Mtrpur, Dhaka.
Dear Anonymous,
It seems you have not yet reconciled to the fact that your daughter Is an adult and should make her own decisions. Maybe she made a mistake the first time but if she is trying to give her marriage another chance, then she should be allowed and even helped to do so. She is right In giving It another try. who knows perhaps they will resolve their differences and realize the marriage can be salvaged. Please don t be hurt by my advice, but you have to face reality and the truth. The reality is your daughter, as an adult who wants to take control of her Ufe. The truth is you are trying to prevent it Just because you don't like her husband.
Dear Mita,
I have been married for five years and have a daughter My ■ problem is that my husband Is not ambitious enough. He works in an international bank and although the salary is good I never have enough money to indulge in luxury as most of my friends do. My husband refuses to change Job or start some business. This is creating tension between us and we end up fighting. What should I do? Please advise.
Zafeen. Gulshan. Dhaka.
Dear Zarren,
You will not like my answer bul I think K's you who has lhe problem and not your husband. Comparing life styles with one's neighbours and friends Is a dangerous habit which ean only end in disaster because there will always be some one richer, prettier, more popular etc. Being content ts a ifirtuc which keeps a person happy and brings harmony In the fam-
Your husband Is not unambitious, he is just content Pteaac don't think that I am advocating a lifestyle devoid of all ptea sure, luxury or fun All I am saying Is one- has to draw (be Une between what is enough and what is too much. This is not an Issue to fight over. It Is an Issue to be discussed and resolved