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WRITE TO MITA
Dear Mita.
My elder brother's widow, who's 45. wants to marry a boy of 20. I'm ready to die of same. It's already a scandal. My am relatives are going about town. calling her the vilest of names. Her children, especially her daughters who have yet to gel married, are up in arms against her.
I've tried to reason with her. But she seems to have taken leave of her senses altogether. I've told her that she'll be shunned by society, she'll be miserable.
She's absolutely determined to go ahead with the marriage, and has even fixed the date on 1 st July. This boy studies painting, and is fond of silk pun/abls and Chinese food. This wretch has his eye on her property, and wants to take it easy for the rest of his life. Why else would he be interested in her?
Shouldn't 1 stop this marriage? I'm the Chacha, and de facto. head of the family. I and her sons, hold the pursestrings. and control her income. We run the family business. She has been very good to me in the last 27 years or so. and I don't want to hurt her unnecessarily. But I have to be ruthless with her. for her own good.
Please give me a prompt, detailed and decisive answer *-something definite to go by. If your usual column has space problems, please answer in another column. You and your paper. owe this much to your readers, don't you think?
Anonymous, Dhanmandt. Dhaka
Dear Anonymous,
You are in a very difficult situation because your decision will affect the lives of other people, the embarrassment, social ostracism etc. the Gimily will face is all true but you will have to remember that your TihabT Is an adult and you just cannot treat her as an infantfk-, dependent person who has to be punished for wanting to take an adult decision. Remember, this is her life and she has the right to lead lo the way she wants lo. Even If her decision proves lo be a mistake she should be allowed to make il. I know you will not agree with my answer but believe me. there Is no other advise that I can give. If you are so sure of the bad intention of the person, then all you can do is try to pursued her to think about It before making the final decision. As for punishment by hurting her financially. It will be counter productive and will only strengthen her resolve. You have to show her that you care, only when there Is a feeling of trust will she be willing to Ifo-ten to you.
Dear Mita,
I do regularly go through your column and have high respect for your answers being pragmatic and constructive. I. therefore, intend to seek your advice regarding a problem which is very much different from the ones you usually con front. As a matter of fact, one of my acquaintance is in trouble, let me put it in a nutshell as under:
My acquaintance to a ChgUtlan widow living in old Dhaka One of Iter cousins was allowed lo live in her house. Recently he has filed a civil suit on a plea that the house was houghl by my acquaintance's father tn his own name only with her un cle's money. Now. the papers show that my acquainlance's wide died in 1944 and the house was bought in 1951. Her cousin is almost 50 years old and his (cousin's) mother is still alive, they had never before claimed as above until I988.
Having no documentary evidence or any other proof of ownership, the claimant is now resorting to framing false criminal cases against my acquaintance's family. Some unidentified persons, even some policemen are advising my acquaintance to agree to a 'mohalla' sitting (local sitting) and get rid of the problem by allowing some land to the cousin.
A group of local 'mastans' have been supporting the cousin and some are advising my acquaintance to sell the house. Interestingly, the Innocent people do not find any help from the law enforcing agencies too. Instead, often the policemen too help the criminals by harassing the innocents.
In such situation. I solicit your advice on behalf of my ac-quoin lance.
Khan, Farushgaiij
Ik-ar Mr Khan,
Since your friend's cousin has no documentary evidence against her. lie will never be able lo take the property away from her. If she docs not trust the local policemen, then she should go lo some high officials and lodge a case against these people charging them with harassment. Agreeing lo a 'mohalla' silting will not solve anything. What she needs Is the help of some Influential person. She can go to various organizations for help such as the Ain Shalish Kcndro, Human Rights group etc. and seek help. Remember, Just as there arc dishonest and unscrupulous people in the society, there arc also many law abiding, honest citizens who will surely come . oul lo help your acquaintance.
Dear Mita.
I have fallen in love with somebody recently, but found oul loo hue that she Is engaged to somebody else and wants lo marry him We have reached a stage, where our relationship is between love and very close friends, which has a very thin dividing line. Il is a very painful relationship for me. for I cannot get closer to her or leave her. Hease advise urgently. We are of the same age.
Anonymous, Oids han
Dear Anonymous.
I don't know how old you arc but It is common for young people to discover Ihal the relationship they thought was just of friendship has turned to love This can be mutual but to often one sided as in your case. If *hc is really engayd and wants to marry someone else, then you should respect her wishes and wish her luck.