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Dhaka Day by Day

A Short Cut to Eldorado!

by Aasha Mehreen Amin
Newspaper advertisement* are a wonderful way to lift up one'a spirits. Scanning through the multitude of dallies makes one want to be Hevc tn Pangtosst (tn Voltaire's Cardide) best of all worlds , where pessimism Is an alien word. Whatever It is one dreams of. craves for. his ot her wish I* the newspaper advertise ment s command
The easiest way to get married is to use the matchmaking service offered by the little boxes under the matrimonial column. If one is a little embarrassed about responding to such promises of the ultimate mate, one can just think of the convenience of meeting the Ideal life partner - just by picking up the phone. That every prospective groom wants a damsel from the latest Mias Universe Beauty Pageant, Is of course, besides the point. What realty matters is to be able to disclose one's wildest fantasies to the whole world. Take the 34 year old Irish Muslim who desires a 19 year old, goodlooking, traditional Bengali girl to have and to hold and live Just next door — Ireland! Naturally spoken English is not a requirement'. After all. what was sign language invented for?
Then there are the ladies and gentlemen who lure with the most tempting bait of all — a green card. "A green cardholder wants a beautiful, highly educated girl with a high moral character" says one of those little boxes. Fringe benefits include the matchless opportunity of being able to live and study in the US. Paid leave.we assume. Is not included. Yet another heartbreaker who Is "originally from Sylhet, now living in London, has a PHD and is a Seniour Scientish In Surrey, England. This genius wishes for a fair and lovely graduate who fa 5 ft 2j Inches tall
But one doesn’t get married so easily these days without looking good. There are tnnumer-able clinics and health centres that advertise that they can help acquire the most attractive physiques tn a matter of week* — without any exercise! It may be mentioned that these mlra eke centres also claim to cure any kind of ailment Including pimples, moles, enlargement or reduction of body parts, sex related problems. obesity, nervousness, stuttering and even
"bad habits'. Growing tall from 3 to 6 inches Is
However, one cannot deny that looks without brains will not get a person very far. That is why we have BBC. Now don't confuse this elite organisation with British Broadcasting Corporation This is no other than our very own — Brain Breeding Centre! And what does BBC do? Breed brains of course. It promises men and women guaranteed Intellectual abilities to excel in TOEFL. SAT. GMAT, GRE and any other permutation or combination of the English alphabet. While BBC is perhaps, giving the lead in multiplying grey matter there are many more of these champions of academic excellence all over the pages.
In addition, there are the foreign education hand books with the names and addresses of over a thousand men and women. Whether this particular service is to facilitate penfriendship or intermarriage is not known.
Now if you don't have looks or brains to fall back on, there is always the reliable soothsayer. The all knowing astrologer is willing to give "guarantee cards" and is ready "to solve any problem" a client may have.
So when one wakes up In the morning with that sinking feeling of reluctance to face the world, even a cursory glance at the classified advertisements may do a world of good. Fame, fortune, beauty, marriage — even intelligence can be yours with the solicitude of our dailies — a short cut to Eldorado.