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WRITE TO MITA
****Run by a trained and experienced Family and Marriage counsellor, assisted by a professional team of doctor, psychologist and lawyer, this column will answer ques Uons relating to family, marriage, health, family laws, and social and interpersonal relationships.
Please address letters to Mita. The Daily Star. GIO Box 3257 or to 28/1, Toynbee Circular Road, MoUjheel. Dhaka-1000.***
Dear Mita,
Our neighbour's son comes to play with our 4-yr old daughter. I don’t mind his coming but he breaks the toys and makes a mess of the rooms. What can I do to stop him? He is so rough that my daughter does not like playing with him. Do you think it will be very rude if I tell my neighbours?
, Samira, Dhaka.
Dear Samira,
Yes, it Is appropriate for, you to have a talk with your neighbour regarding their sons behavior.
He is at an age when boys like playing rough and maybe his parents know how to deal with It but there is no need for you to tolerate this. Next time he comes tell him he is welcome only if he abides by certain rules.
Dear Mita,
My husband expects me to run the house perfectly but does not do anything to help. He is so busy with his work that he does not even spend one hour with the family. Even when he is at home his mind is at work. I feel frustrated and resentful. What can I do?
Sultana,
Chittagong.
Dear Sultana,
This is a common complain from wives of successful and busy husbands. Instead of keeping it to yourself and harbouring resentment have a talk with him. Sometimes people don't realize even when they are hurting a loved one. However busy he is he must spend time with his family and as for running the house perfectly, please ask him to show you how.
Dear Mita,
My whole family takes me for granted — my children, hus band and everyone. No one cares to find out what f want; all they understand is to have their needs fulfilled. I am finding tt more and more difficult to please them all the time. Their work is always more important, so I have to give up my work, recreation for them. Recently I have started resenting this. Please advise.
Sabiha. Gulshan.
Dhaka.
Dear Sabiha,
Wives and mothers are often taken for granted in our culture. This is because society has defined their role and it is not expected that they will protest. The awareness that women want something more out of Hfe than being just a mother and wife Is very recent. Most men and there fore children have not yet learnt to how to respond to their needs. Have patience and bring this up In family conversation. Initiate a serious discussion on this topic. Your family might go through a new process of learning from which everyone will benefit.
Dear Mita,
Suppose a husband beats his wife and then says sorry, should she forgive him? This has happened to my friend for the last 4 years. They have been married for 6 years. Outwardly he seems like a nice man but has a horrible temper and cannot control tt, what should my friend do?
[ffat Ara, Dhaka.
Dear Iffat,
The person who beats his wife regularly and then says sorry should definitely not be forgiven. Your friend is a victim of abuse and should get away from this situation as soon as it is realistically possible. Since you have not given much details I am not being able to give any serious advice. Many factors haw to be considered such as children, financial situation etc. At this point separation could be a consideration followed by counselling for both partners.