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WRITE TO MITA
Dear Mita.
I shall be very grateful if you help me with your advice. I was married 2 years ago. I belong to the Dhaka district, but my husband is from Comiila. The marriage was solemnised In Comiila. as my father was serving there. My father died one year ago. 1 find living with my husband very difficult as he has bad habits such as drinks, etc. I have come away from him and want to file for divorce. Please advise me on very priority:
1) Though our marriage was solemnised in Comiila. can I file divorce In Dhaka court ? If so can my husband shift the case back to Comiila?
2) What claim can I charge him against In my divorce case, such as dowry, money, maintenance etc.?
3) How long it may take for the whole case to be finished?
4) I have studied up to B.A (Hons). Can I file the case myself Without a lawyer as this wiU be costly ? If a lawyer is needed, what should be the reasonable charge for the lawyer for the whole case?
I work in a private company and am living with my mother. Please give me your advice early, for which I shall remain very grateful.
Rublna Sultana
Wyre Street, Wari, Dhaka. Dear Rubina.
As your questions deal with legal matters 1 referred it to the lawyer In our team, who answers:
1) Yes, you can file for divorce tn Dhaka.
2) You can only claim Mehr and some child support if there are any children. Contrary to popular belief a woman can claim Mehr even if she asks for divorce.
3) The whole process will take 3 months. If tt ts stipulated in your Ntkah Noma that you have a right to divorce, then you can give a notice of divorce which will become effective provided your husband does not contest
4) Yes, you can file the case yourself. If ts difficult to say how much a lawyer will cost as their fee is not standardised.
Dear Mita,
1 am a young girl of 16 and will appear for my O' level exams next year. My problem is that I do not have anything to do besides studying. There is no place to spend my time in 4 constructive way. I don't like doing the things some of my friends do such as going to parties or shopping. Is there an alternative? Many people of my age have the same problem.
Shaira. Lalmatia. Dear Shaira.
I agree there are not many existing facilities to entertain young people such as you. However, given the needs of our society there should not be a dearth of things to do if you have the interest and the energy. Forming a club with people of common Interest is a good thing to start. The Green /dealing with environmental issues) is a popular theme with young people nowadays. The recent cyclone has generated a lot of enthusiasm among youngsters to lend a helping hand to their unfortunate country people. Projects such as children s edu catton, schools for the mentally retarded, development for underprivileged women etc. could always use volunteers. These are some ways to open time and have a feeling of satis faction too.
Dear Mita.
Few weeks ago you answered a letter to a man who complained about his wife's spending habit. I would like to say something in defence of women who are accused of overspending. The husband brings home the pay check and gives an amount to hts wife after which his responsibility is over She keeps accounts, shops herself, monitors the servants, does everything possible to manage with the amount given to her. Yet at the end of the month she Is accused of being a bad manager, overspending if she asks for extra money due to some emergency. 1 can assure you that this happens In most households. Is this fair? What do you have to say to that?
Sheela Majumdar.
Chittagong. Dear Sheela.
I agree with what you say does happen though I don't know if it ts true of most households. Overspending ts not a gender related habit as both men and women can be spenders, but when a women does it she attracts more attention because traditionally women are supposed to be thrifty. This is a behaviour pattern which people acquire over the years due to social, psychological and economic factors and a habit which is difficult to break. In my experience, relating to money or to spending has created major problems among couples.
Dear Mita.
I am curious to know whether you are a man or a women, how old are you? Are you married with children? Do you also face some of the problems that you write about and do you solve them yourself or seek help elsewhere? Though I have never written to get advice I fed good that you are there to help me if I need it. 1 do have a small problem My neighbours make too much noise especially when my son wants to sleep. How can I stop them.
Stnuni. Mallbagh
Dear Simmi.
Thank you for your nice letter. I prefer to keep my Identity anonymous and therefore cannot answer your questions I do few problems like most normal people and seek help if they are too complicated to be solved by myself. About your neigh hours, it is really difficult to stop them unless they do so vol untartly. I suggest establishing some kind of relationship so that once you reach a level of friendship communication can become easier. If you live in an apartment then uniting all your neighbours to common problems could perhaps help.
WRITE TO MITA
Run by a trained and experienced Family and Marriage counsellor, assisted by a professional team of doctor, psychologist and lawyer, this column will answer ques Lions relating to family, marriage. health, family laws, and social and interpersonal relationships
Please address letters to Mita. The Daily Star. GIO Box 3257 or tojt/l. Toynbee Circular Road. Motijheel. Dhaka 109^,